If your week has been anything like mine, you could use a laugh today. This showed up in my Facebook Memories the other day. It’s from 2014. It is one of the funniest threads I’ve ever had on my timeline. I’ve posted the highlights and omitted all the “LOL” “Me too!” and “Best Thread EVER” comments. Also, I’ve protected the identities of those who participated…for obvious reasons.
My Facebook Status: Confessions of a real mom: sometimes I pretend to need to use the restroom so I can send a text without someone talking to me.
MW: When we are at a restaurant, I excuse myself to ‘wash up’ so I can check-in to Facebook.
TD: Sometimes I put the phone on mute when someone is talking to me too long so I can do what I need to do and then chime in “uhh hu” every few minutes.
KM: Sometimes I say I need to color my hair when it can wait so I can get an hour to myself, like right now.
MM: Sometimes I go change out of my work clothes just so I can have 5 minutes of breathing space before dinner and dishes and life….and occasionally a glass of wine comes with me.
Me: Yesterday I did what MM did, only I put the wine in a water glass so my kids would not think I was stressed out.
Me Again: it was a very small glass….
LB: I don’t even put it in a water cup… I must REALLY need help!
LB again: I must clarify… I don’t chug it out of the bottle, but I don’t hide it! It goes in a BIG wine glass
Me: I think the fact that I hide it indicates I need more help than you do.
TD: I went to Walgreens and bought a Twinkie but ate it before I went to the car where my daughter was.
KL: Does eating some fast food before coming home to your husband count? Or, sneaking a cookie before dinner when the grandkids are visiting? If so, then, I must confess!
TD: Hey, I even go to a nice place to eat right on the way home from work and when the kids ask can we eat out I tell them “no…it’s not the weekend.”
KM: Sometimes I tell the boys they have school the next day so they will go to bed by 8:00, even though it’s the weekend.
Me: Sometimes I throw away or donate the kids’ stuff and when they ask where it is, I say, “I don’t know.” Because, technically, I don’t.
LP: Sometimes I lay my daughters uniform out even though it’s Friday so she will sleep in..for some reason when they know it’s Friday they automatically wake up at 6:00 am on Saturday morning
JJ: I get rid of my kids stuff so much that when they get something new they immediately tell me “don’t sell this or give it away ok”. I’ve made them paranoid…
Me: I hide in my laundry room with the lights off.
RH: I eat chocolate standing in the pantry, and go to the bathroom just for some alone time, and have taken myself out for dinner alone – cos ‘hey I have a babysitter and no husband around for a date’
LP: As I type my 5 year old is crying on the steps because I took her stuffed lion away from her for bad behavior!! Now she is saying she will never sleep again!! I will NOT back down
JS: I play hide and seek and forget to go find them.
LP: I’ve never felt so close to strangers in my life!! Mothers are all kindred spirits…best therapy session I’ve had in months.
We know you have secrets, Mom. Feel free to leave your confessions in the comments. I’m here for you.
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