Fitness Friday: Funny (to me) Fitness Headlines

I just gulped down my second cup of coffee. Technically, it’s my sixth cup of coffee, though. See, I fill my coffee pot up to the number “6” every day—which I always assumed meant “6 Cups.” That amount of coffee fills my coffee mug twice, perfectly. Now, here is the confusing part: The other day, I used an actual measuring cup to pour the water into my pot. And, like any smart girl would do, I filled the measuring cup up to the “6” and poured it in. But when I did this, the water went WAY past the “6” on my coffee pot. It even went past the “8”! Someone is not telling the truth about their “6’s.”  Shouldn’t “6 cups” be consistent on every measuring device?

It’s important to note, also, that I am currently sitting in a coffee shop AND it’s chilly and rainy outside (an almost 50-degree drop from Saturday!) Thus, it is evident that in the very near future, I will be drinking yet ANOTHER cup of coffee, bringing the grand total of my coffee intake in cups to “8.” Or maybe “6.” Or perhaps “10.” Depending on what measuring cup you deem most trustworthy.

All that to say, an extreme caffeinated state is a perfect opportunity for another edition of

Recently, a picture of How I Met Your Mother star Alyson Hannigan seemingly sporting a pregnancy bump sparked a flurry of speculation about when she was due. Except that she’s not pregnant. And, therefore, not due.

She tweeted in response: ‘No, I’m not pregnant! I just ate too much carnival food, that time of the month, hurt my back and couldn’t suck my gut in, and need to do cardio. And I’m NEVER gonna wear that shirt again!’

I feel so sorry for these Hollywood starlets who have paparazzi following them around all day long, taking unflattering pictures of them. Posting them in sleezy publications.  Speculating about pregnancy, when really it’s just a funnel cake and PMS.

This reminds me of a similar incident involving me this past weekend. A friend—who may or may not be having breakfast with my husband this very moment he reads this—took a picture of me sitting on the front row of my church. At the time of the photograph in question, I was filming my son’s baptism. I was slouched in my seat to get just the right angle. I may or may not have been experiencing PMS. And I was most definitely NOT sucking in my gut—because I was watching my son get baptized.

And my friend apparently was NOT.

Even though I totally paid attention when HIS children were baptized.

I hadn’t been eating carnival food, but I did spend the entire weekend eating yummy-home-cooked food that I prepared myself, for a whopping 19 family members (plus the 5 of us) who drove in from out of state to watch my son’s baptism and celebrate my Dad’s 87th birthday.  This past weekend really could be summed up in a blog post entitled

So, anyhoo, this friend texted this unflattering photo to me while I was still in church. Which made me laugh, because this friend is very funny and I happen to like him a lot. But I don’t understand what I did to him to deserve this unflattering photo being posted all over my sleezy cell phone. 

Besides,I’m still not convinced that the woman in the picture is me. Because the woman in the picture is clearly about 7 months pregnant. And I am not. Pregnant.

Which makes me a lot like a Hollywood starlet, I think.  And, girrrrllll, I am NEVER gonna wear the shirt I wore on Sunday again. *high five to Alyson*

In Canadian news, Conservatives are proposing a fitness tax credit. When a family spends at least $500 on fitness related expenses (gym memberships, sports equipment and fees, etc) they will be eligible for a $200 tax credit from the government.

And, of course, people are complaining about this. In a statement, one Canadian man said,

“Blah, blah, blah, that will cost our government $20 million, blah blah blah let me eat Whoppers and Oreo milkshakes blah blah blah you can’t make me get off my couch and go for a walk blah blah blah stop trying to regulate me.”  

That’s an exact quote.

Alicia Silverstone is making the headlines in a bad way. This Hollywood starlet, vegan and author of the bestselling book, The Kind Diet (a book about veganism), has confirmed that she will, in fact, raise her infant son as a—are you ready for this???—a VEGAN.

Seriously, y’all. This is news? Would you actually expect a woman who holds moral convictions against eating animal products to serve up steak and eggs to her offspring for breakfast? Why does this shock you?

Some of her worst critics are calling her actions “ridiculous” and “criminal.”

Criminal?

While most American parents are stocking their pantry shelves with processed, sugar-laden, artificially preserved, zero-nutrition food-type products AND picking up tonight’s dinner at the McDonald’s drive-thru, further perpetuating the childhood obesity epidemic, Alicia has chosen a healthy diet for her son.

Who’s the criminal in that scenario?

Alicia states, “He’ll be eating an organic plant-based diet. I intend to take great care of this precious new baby body so I’m committed to giving him nothing but the purest and most healthy food possible. We want to keep his immune system strong so that he’ll be super healthy — which is just one of the many reasons he’ll eat vegan.”

This is preposterous. Someone arrest this woman.

The Huffington Post reports that a 32-year-old woman is attempting to become the heaviest woman ever, but her nearest competitor, a woman who holds the record of “World’s Fattest Mom,” is having a hard time letting go of her heavyweight claim to fame, even as she says she’s going on a diet.

Susanne Eman, a 728-pound woman in Casa Grande, Ariz., is attempting to get into Guinness World Records as the “World’s Heaviest Woman.” The last woman to hold the title, 1,200-pound Rosalie Bradford, died in 2006.

“The category is currently open,” a Guinness representative told HuffPost Weird News. Eman has told reporters that she wants to shatter the record by packing on 1,600 pounds. Her ultimate goal: weighing in at one ton.

She won the title by weighing a whopping 532 pounds when she gave birth to her daughter, Jacqueline, in February 2007 – an event that required 30 doctors. Simpson just announced to the world via HuffPost Weird News that she’s decided to go on a diet, but she’s having a hard time letting go of the “prestige” that goes along with the honour of being America’s heaviest woman – and said she views Eman as an upstart trying to usurp her hard-earned fame.

Two words jump out at me here: “prestige” and “honour.” Oh, and “an event that required 30 doctors.” And “hard-earned fame.”

That’s technically 10 words.

That jumped out at me.

When I read that.

Yeah.

(pause)

Tell me again why Alicia Silverstone is a criminal???

And, this is neither here nor there, but as I down my final cup (or 10) of coffee and shut down my laptop for the weekend, I just have to ask, have you ever tried cinnamon in your coffee? It is so stinking good.