I once was a fabulous mother.
I anticipated my children’s needs before they expressed them. I understood the intricacies of their emotions and the complexities of their character, instinctively. I practiced the most effective discipline: a perfect balance of rules and relationship. I planned educational outings to the zoo, the library and the museum. I was crafty (in a glue-stick kind of way). I responded to their inquiries with wisdom, patience and gentleness.
Yep. I had it all figured out. What with reading a handful of James Dobson books and babysitting well into college.
Then I actually gave birth.
It was pretty much down hill from there. At least in terms of my confidence in my own abilities.
See, unlike many women who enter motherhood completely and admittedly clueless, I entered motherhood with arrogance and pride. I was Queen Judge of all mothers who struggled with tantrums in Wal-Mart and fed their children cookies to keep them quiet.
Enter four little creatures who apparently were NOT briefed on my surpassingly great revelations prior to being placed in my arms. Enter four little creatures who are so different from one another, it does me absolutely no good whatsoever having prior kid experience. What works with one kid NEVER works on the next one!
Enter simultaneously a Loving God who heard my sincere cries to be greatly used for the Kingdom of God; and, therefore, refused to leave me in my pitifully prideful state.
Enter also God’s Communication Goal #2:
God wants you to know the truth about who you are.
Look what God said to the children of Israel.
“Make sure you don’t forget God, your God, by not keeping his commandments, his rules and regulations that I command you today. Make sure that when you eat and are satisfied, build pleasant houses and settle in, see your herds and flocks flourish and more and more money come in, watch your standard of living going up and up—make sure you don’t become so full of yourself and your things that you forget God, your God, the God who delivered you from Egyptian slavery; the God who led you through that huge and fearsome wilderness, those desolate, arid badlands crawling with fiery snakes and scorpions;the God who gave you water gushing from hard rock; the God who gave you manna to eat in the wilderness, something your ancestors had never heard of, in order to give you a taste of the hard life, to test you so that you would be prepared to live well in the days ahead of you.
If you start thinking to yourselves, ‘I did all this. And all by myself. I’m rich. It’s all mine!’—well, think again. Remember that God, your God, gave you the strength to produce all this wealth so as to confirm the covenant that he promised to your ancestors—as it is today.” (Deuteronomy 8:16-17) The Message
Dear Little Children of Israel, I feel your pain.
My eleven years of parenting, among other things, has been ONE. LONG. PAINFUL. SURGERY.
A few years ago, in the midst of my most difficult season of parenting yet, I reached the end of myself. I literally fell to my knees in my bedroom, more like collapsed into the fetal position, and blurted out some unrecognizable version of, “I can’t do this anymore.“
I wasn’t even crying at this point. I was so far beyond that. I was just numb. Catatonic.
I felt God lovingly say back to me…”Finally, Sandy. Now, this I can work with.“
“To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (II Corinthians 12:7-10)
Before God could show me all that I am in Him, He had to first show me all that I am NOT in myself.
And while the process has been long, slow and painful (for everyone involved, unfortunately), I cannot express how humbled and honored I am that God stuck with me in all my stinky-ness long enough for me to finally see some genuine changes at the DNA level of my character.
When I reached the point of embracing–rather than cursing or denying–my weaknesses, God was able to flood me with REAL strength and wisdom. Which, ironically, is what I thought I possessed the entire time.
See, if we resist and rebuke trials, hardships and weaknesses, we miss a vital element of God’s communication to us. Sometimes, there’s just no other way for Him to reveal ourselves to ourselves.
God left him to himself to try him, that He might know all that was in his heart.(II Chronicles 32:31b)
It’s not easy to look honestly at what lurks in the deepest recesses of our hearts. But the really, really good news is that God already knows what’s there. And He cannot love us any more than He already does. Stinky pride and all.
A surpassingly great revelation, indeed.
Wow! And Amen
I ditto Andi’s comment!
That was awesome!!!!
Thanks for sharing real truth.
BTW, you are a great momma. I’ve seen you in action! 🙂
LOVE YOU!
Jessica
I was experiencing a wide range of emotions as I read this fabulous post! I laughed when I read about how you’d be the perfect mother and knew all about how to discipline. I was unable to have children but taught for 8 years as a children’s leader in BSF. So, I thought I was an ‘expert’ and at times gave my sister in law’s advice. Wrong; I learned to keep quiet. I didn’t have all the answers for sure!
Then as I continued reading, I thought this girl gets it. I am in Him …I am not in myself. And then you mentioned genuine changes at the DNA level of my character. And to embrace my weakness so He can flood me with His strength and wisdom.
This is so where I’m at right now in my walk with the Lord. To realize that He lives in me and allow Him to live out that life through me. I want Him to change my character at the DNA level. But it’s me who fights Him at times. Thank you for this timely reminder of who I am in Him.
Hi Sandy!
Thanks for sharing your garland and heart!
Love the white in the garland–now I want white!
Your garland is so lush and lovely. Absolutely adorable!
Thank you. Hit the spot!
Beautiful…WOW. You are a skilled communicator.
The truth will set us free, right? But, ohhh, how it hurts sometimes! That was GOOD, GOOD stuff. Thank you.
Great mantle!
Come over to my blog and pick-up your award! :o)
Happy Thursday!
I’m loving this series! Don’t have much time to comment, but wanted you to know I’m still with you on this one.
Thanks so much!
WOWZA!! My fav part” Before God could show me all that I am in Him, He had to first show me all that I am NOT in myself.” Surrendering is so hard. I struggle with this everyday! Ok if I new how to put your little button on my side of my little blog I would because I want to come back. Can you tell me how? I know I copy the little button but can figure out how to keep it in my blog???
Your garland is beautiful! I love the unique twist of adding the cinnamon sticks! GREAT idea!
Free from me! What freedom there is in recognizing that I don’t have to have it all together! Great post Sandy!
Amen, Girl.