What I Want My Teens To Know About Sexual Purity

Purity is not refraining from sexual intercourse. Purity is a condition of the heart that drives every action, including but not limited to, how you behave sexually. It encompasses everything you allow yourself to see and hear and think. And, by the way, “purity” is still a thing, even when you are married and get to have sex with your spouse as often as you want. I still need to guard my heart every single day.

As your Mom, it’s my job to set limits and boundaries, and I will. But limits and boundaries will not keep you pure. Only you can do that. I can set up and enforce rules designed to protect you, but if you really want to, you will find a way to have sex.

If you don’t agree with or don’t understand a limit or a boundary I have set, then let’s talk about it. I’m not just making up random rules to keep you confined, alone and dateless. My goal is to demonstrate for you practical ways to protect yourself so that, hopefully, you will adopt similar boundaries on your own when I am not there.

You can ask me or tell me anything. I will not freak out on you. I promise.

Decisions about purity should not be made in the heat of the moment. This needs to happen now, in the privacy of your heart. If you wait until you are lying body-to-body on the couch in a dorm or in the backseat of a car, sex will sound like the best idea ever.

Don’t be afraid to tell your date that you don’t want physical intimacy in your dating relationship. Chances are really good that he or she will be relieved, because your date feels the same way. (If he or she is angry with you, move on. You deserve so much better than this.)

Society will tell you that it’s unrealistic to wait until marriage for sex—like you are some kind of ravenous animal with zero self-control. Don’t believe that for a second. It’s a lie. God equipped you for every situation you will encounter in your entire life, including the temptation to have sex before marriage. You can do this.

Sex is a lot like fire: Keep it well-contained and it is both useful and beautiful. Let it burn freely, outside the boundaries God intended, and it is dangerous, painful and destructive.

I know many parents (including me) are afraid to tell you this, but here it goes:  There is absolutely nothing you can do that God cannot forgive and restore.  We are afraid you will hear, “There are no consequences, so go ahead and have sex and ask for forgiveness later.” I’m not saying there are no consequences. I’m saying God can and will forgive you of anything, love you through anything, restore and redeem everything. Nothing can separate you from God’s love.

Finally, should you ever find yourself in a sexual relationship, and choose to confess this to me, I will never, ever judge you harshly (see previous promise not to freak out). I will not shame you. I will not punish you. Instead, I will help you. I will cry with you. I will encourage you. I will forgive you. I will love you. I am on your side, and I believe the absolute best about you and for you.