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The Scoop on Balance

by Sandy Cooper

  • The Surprising Source of Your Balance Struggles

    My son, Elijah is currently learning to drive. In the state of Kentucky, where I live, a 16 or 17-year-old must drive 60 hours with a licensed driver over the age of 21 before he can take his final road test. Parents, for those of you who haven’t done this wretched chore yet, let me… [Continue Reading]

    The Surprising Source of Your Balance Struggles

  • My #1 Tool for Keeping My Balance

    Balance is all about knowing your priorities and living them out. Today I’m giving you the one thing that most consistently helps me live out my priorities. Today is all about lists. Most people I know have strong feelings about lists. They either love lists with all their mind, heart, soul, and strength. Or despise… [Continue Reading]

    My #1 Tool for Keeping My Balance

  • 8 Things Well-Balanced People Do Differently

     1 They define what a balanced life means for them. They realize true balance is knowing and living their priorities; therefore, well-balanced people clearly define their priorities. They have a vision for what they value, where they are going, and (most importantly) where they are not going. They recognize the temptation to look around and… [Continue Reading]

    8 Things Well-Balanced People Do Differently

  • 6 Questions to Ask Yourself When You Don’t Know What to Do

    Every day we make decisions about where to direct our focus, our attention, our time, and our efforts. Some are small and inconsequential. But others are huge and life-altering. Or maybe not life-altering, but day-altering, or week-altering. The consequences of making an unwise decision can propel us into overcommitment and overwhelm with a simple “yes.”… [Continue Reading]

    6 Questions to Ask Yourself When You Don’t Know What to Do

  • Maybe You’re Thinking About Balance All Wrong

    I’m guessing when you say you’re “off-balance,” you probably mean you feel overwhelmed and unproductive. Or maybe you can’t quite figure out how to squeeze important people and duties into your already over-committed life. Perhaps what you “should” be doing and what you’re actually doing are two different things. You’re most likely looking around at… [Continue Reading]

    Maybe You’re Thinking About Balance All Wrong

  • Blindsided by Motherhood

    It’s October 5, 1997, and I’m pregnant with my first child. My husband, Jon, and I decided to forego the gender reveal at our ultrasound, but I’m 100% sure it’s a girl and her name is Hannah. It’s a spectacular day in Jacksonville, Florida where we live. I imagine this is what weather will be… [Continue Reading]

    Blindsided by Motherhood

The Surprising Source of Your Balance Struggles

My son, Elijah is currently learning to drive. In the state of Kentucky, where I live, a 16 or 17-year-old must drive 60 hours with a licensed driver over the age of 21 before he can take his final road test.

Parents, for those of you who haven’t done this wretched chore yet, let me just warn you: nothing has struck fear in my heart quite like sitting in the passenger seat when my new driver is merging onto the highway. It will drive you to drink. Ironically, it’s one time you absolutely cannot drink—since being under the influence is generally frowned upon during driving instructions.

I swore, after my daughter got her license a few years ago that I’d never ever ever ever ever ever ever teach another Cooper kid to drive. Sorry, Jon. It’s all you. I potty trained them, YOU teach them to drive.

But because I am the one who is with my son in the car 90% of the time, I realized that he’d be 25-years-old before he got his license if I waited for Jon to accumulate 60 hours in the car with him.

So, it’s me.

Yay.

Thankfully, Elijah has been driving an ATV and a large riding lawnmower since he was 14-years-old. This, amazingly, has given him and edge over his older sister, and thus, has helped me feel a little less anxious during his driving lessons. On the other hand, he struggles with ADHD and he’s obsessed with cars. This is a lethal combo when he’s driving. Pulling out onto a busy street with, well CARS, becomes a major act of self control for him. What he is tempted to do is notice the year, make, model, color, engine size, and interior features of every. single. car. that. passes. us.

One thing I learned early on that works well for both me and my student driver (other than the obvious KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD!), is to give him a good idea of what’s coming up BEFORE WE ENCOUNTER IT, and how he to handle it.  Sure, he’s learned the basics about traffic laws in his driving course, but the specifics about the routes we drive on a daily basis? He won’t get those from just knowing the laws.

So I will warn him about about famous potholes or certain roads where traffic is difficult to see. I will coach him well before a dangerous intersection how to navigate it safely. Cars are scary. Driving is no joke. I want him to feel confident as he moves toward greater independence in driving. And I also don’t want him to crash my new car.

***

I am super-passionate about equipping you to live a well-balanced life. And one major way I feel like I can do that is by giving you an idea of what’s coming ahead, and how to handle it.

Today that means exposing your spiritual enemy and his strategies, so you can recognize these tactics in your own life, and address them effectively.

And I’ll do my best to discuss the devil without creeping you out. 

I recently finished working through Priscilla Shirer’s Bible Study, The Armor of God for a second time. I have never done a study that has opened my eyes to the spirit realm or better equipped me for spiritual warfare like this study. I seriously cannot recommend it enough. It has absolutely changed my life and how I approach almost everything.

As I was working through it, I was thinking about you, and all the ways Satan strategizes against you as a woman of God.

If the enemy can keep you in a constant state of overwhelm or anxiety…if he can suffocate you with temptation or insecurity…if he can intimidate you with fear and worst-case scenarios…well, then you certainly won’t have peace to know your priorities and live them out.

So, today I’m going to give you 4 ways he’s always trying to keep you off balance.  And at the end, I’m going to tell you what to do about it.

1. Distraction—the enemy wants you to be without focus

First, he wants to distract you from his work.

Ephesians 6:16 tells us to take up the shield of faith with which we can quench all the fiery darts/flaming arrows of the enemy.

In warfare, flaming arrows were often used, not to kill or destroy, but to distract! Not to shoot directly at the other soldiers engaged in the battle, but to shoot instead at a wagon, a chariot, or a home of the soldier. This tactic would disrupt the military lines and cause the occupants to focus on the blaze rather than the battle at hand. Then, when the solider was distracted by putting out the fire, the enemy would move in for the attack.

Listen, the enemy does not want you to think he’s behind your balance struggles, so he will do anything to keep you distracted from him. He wants you to think it’s anything but him…it’s your husband and his insensitivity to your needs. It’s your kids and their bad attitudes. It’s your mom and the way she always makes you feel like you can’t get it right. It’s your church, it’s your neighbor, it’s your boss…If he can keep the focus off him and his work, you will always be fighting the wrong thing.

Satan is behind fear, anxiety, overwhelm, frustration, hate, discontentment, pride, envy, striving, hopelessness, shame, temptation…all of it.  But he’s over here going, it’s not me, it’s him! It’s her! It’s this situation!

He wants you to fight a person or a situation or a circumstance, because he knows, if you start fighting him with the spiritual weapons God has given you, he must flee.

Second, he tries to distract you from your priorities.

We know that balance is all about knowing your priorities and living them out. If the enemy can keep you distracted from doing the things that are most important to you or the things that God has called you to do, he’s good.

He doesn’t even care if you are doing sinful things. He just doesn’t want you to do what God has called you to do. He wants you to be busy with so many other things, you can’t possibly get to what God has called you to do.

I don’t know if we have ever lived in a time that is so wrought with distraction. This is not news to you, but I’ll just offer this as a sober reminder: your phone, your computer, your newsfeed, your Netflix cue…all those things are distractions or gateways to distraction. No, I’m not saying Netfilx is satanic or that busyness is evil. I’m just saying, the enemy will use those things to distract you and lose your focus.

2. Discouragement—the enemy wants you to be without hope

He wants you to have no hope for change in your circumstances—I will always be busy. We will always struggle financially. I will always need to work outside the home.

No hope for change in your children—my daughter will always struggle academically, my son will always have a bad temper. My kids will never have good friends.

No hope for change in yourself—I will never get a handle on my emotional eating, I will never get organized. I will always yell at my kids.

Proverbs 13:12 says hope deferred makes the heart sick.

When we are discouraged and without hope, it damages our heart. Not our literal heart, but the center of who we are. The word tells us to guard our heart above all else, because out of it flows life. If the enemy can keep us discouraged and hopeless, it will affect everything—our prayers, our peace, our parenting, our entire lives.

3. Deception—the enemy wants you to be without Truth.

One thing we know for sure about Satan, is that he’s a liar. In fact, Jesus called him the Father of Lies (see John 8). That means he’s the originator, the founder, the inventor of lies. He lies about everything. But here are a few areas in which he lies to women in particular:

Who God is: He is not good, He is not loving, His motives for you are not good. He won’t answer your prayers. He can hear you but he doesn’t care. God doesn’t like you. God is mad at you. God’s messing with you, He’s holding out on you.

Who you are: you are flawed, broken, dirty, ugly, fat, angry, impure, unloveable, trapped, bound, unforgivable, stupid, not enough, too much.

If he can convince you that God is against you or that you are unworthy to approach God, then guess what? You won’t pray for wisdom. You won’t pray for strength. You won’t pray for direction. You won’t pray at all.

4. Division: the enemy wants you to be alone and isolated

He knows the power in unity. He knows what happens when the body of Christ functions in health and every part does its work. So, he will tempt you to be hurt and offended any chance he can. And if he can get you all fired up so you need to “vent” to someone else, and you get THEM all fired up, even better. The more people he can drag into division, the more isolated you will become.

And then he will tempt you to nurture and feed and caress that offense like it’s a pet, until it morphs into unforgiveness and eventually a root of bitterness.

He’ll sow seeds of division everywhere:

In your marriage

Between you and your kids

Between you and your Extended family, in laws, siblings

In your Church

In your Friendships

At your job

4 As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3 Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. 4 There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6 one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.

7 But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it… 

11 So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, 12 to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up 13 until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

14 Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. 15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. 16 From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

Ephesians 4

Unity is powerful. As we join together with our brothers and sisters in Christ, with our families, with our neighbors, with our coworker, with our girlfriends, and we all refuse to be divided, but instead link arms and hearts together and operate in our natural gifts (what ever they may be) something amazing happens: We become mature. We grow. We aren’t fooled anymore about what’s right and wrong. We become more loving. This is precisely why the enemy wants you alone.

***

We all struggle with discouragement and distraction and loneliness from from time-to-time. We all struggle to understand Truth. We know these things throw us off balance–this is not news. What may be new information for you is who is behind it all. Maybe you never considered that there is a whole thing going on in the spirit world that is causing you to struggle.

OK, Sandy, you said you wouldn’t creep me out, but you’re being super creepy. What the crap, Sandy? What am I supposed to do?

We must fight spiritual battles with spiritual weapons.

The Apostle Paul, later in that same letter to the Ephesians says this:

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

Ephesians 6

We must put on the armor of God, and pray. Stop fighting your people. Stop fighting your circumstances. Instead, pick up your spiritual armor and do battle with the real culprit.

To download a copy of a scripture-based prayer concerning our spiritual battle for balance, click here.

This post is adapted from Episode 6 of The Balanced MomCast. You can listen on iTunes , stream from the web, or listen on Stitcher, Google Play, Spotify, and Alexa…all the places.

My #1 Tool for Keeping My Balance

Balance is all about knowing your priorities and living them out. Today I’m giving you the one thing that most consistently helps me live out my priorities.

Today is all about lists.

Most people I know have strong feelings about lists. They either love lists with all their mind, heart, soul, and strength. Or despise lists with a red hot passion. If you are in the “hate” camp, hear me out: I will submit to you, that you probably hate lists for one of these reasons:

  1. you are not a naturally organized or structured person, so list-making is difficult for you
  2. you are not using lists correctly

This will probably not come as a surprise to most you who have known me for longer than a day, but I am a natural list maker. This activity flows well with my personality—that doesn’t mean I always do it well, but when I do, it’s fairly easy for me.

Many of you are not naturally good at list making, and that’s okay. But it does not mean you don’t need lists. I am not a naturally spontaneous person, but that does not mean that I don’t need spontaneity.

Also, I would argue that even the most laid back, unstructured, easy-breezy-beautiful (Covergirl) people do better in life with some sort of order. Studies show that our brains actually crave order, because order reduces anxiety. I think it’s safe to assume we could all use less anxiety, right? Right! Lists have proven to be one way to achieve and maintain this order that our brain needs, by providing structure to our days and by helping us to remember important things.

Just to be clear: Lists are not balance. Time management is not balance. Productivity and order and structure in an of themselves are not balance. Balance is the peace we have when we know our priorities and we are living them out. Lists are a simply a tool to achieve that balance.


It’s one thing to identify our priorities. It’s an entirely different thing to build our schedules and our lives around those priorities–to look at our daily calendar and literally plug those things in.

Maybe you’re sitting here thinking, “I get overwhelmed with lists! It’s too overwhelming to make a list and maintain a list. I fear the list!” I understand. I get overwhelmed very easily. I get overwhelmed at the thought of becoming overwhelmed. Some people fear heights or spiders or the dark–I fear becoming overwhelmed. It’s the actual worst. So, I say this with all the empathy in the universe: If lists overwhelm you, you probably need to change how you “do” them.

When you’re using lists in the wrong way, they feel like bondage—like you’re a slave to your to-do list. I don’t want you to be a slave to anything apart from Christ! When I’m using my lists the correct way, they feel like freedom—they literally free up my day to live out what is most important and meaningful to me. Don’t you want to actually do the things and be with the people who are most important to you? Of course you do. That’s where the true balance/peace becomes a reality.

Four Different Kinds of Lists

  • To-Don’t List
  • To-do List
  • To-day List
  • To-Done/TaDa! List

The To Don’t List: What I prayerfully neglect for the sake of balance.

These are the things I do not do on purpose. These may be things I actually identify as priorities, but not now. Or maybe they are things that I love to do, but I need to set them aside because of my season or lack of time. Or maybe they are things that I feel like I’m supposed to do because everyone else does them or maybe my mom did them or the internet says I should do them, but I know I cannot or should not do that right now, or ever.

One thing that is currently on my To Don’t List is using coupons at the grocery store. I think using coupons is smart. It makes good budget sense. But it’s also time-consuming. For years, I carried around this underlying guilt because I would go to the store every week without my coupons and I’d keep thinking to myself, “I should have cut the coupons.” Sometimes I’d remember, and I’d be very happy I remembered and saved my $16 or whatever, and then other times I’d forget again. Or I’d take all the time to cut them and then I’d forget them. Or I’d keep putting off going to the grocery store until we got down to mustard and dried beans, because I’d want to cut my coupons first.

Then one day I decided, I’m just not doing that right now. I’m letting it go. I am going to neglect cutting coupons for the sake of balance.

I recommend the To Don’t List be an actual list–write it down! Because if you are anything like me, you may be tempted to keep picking that thing back up and letting it weigh you down. When my kids were babies and toddlers, my To-Don’t list was a mile long. I prayerfully neglected a lot of things simply because my babies required a lot of time.

For more on the To-Don’t List, check out this post and this post and this post

The To do List: What needs to be done eventually.

I actually have two different kinds of to lists. A Master To Do List and Special Category To Do Lists. It sounds complicated, but it’s not.

Master To-Do List: This is the list where, when something pops into my head, big or small, it goes on this list. Some items on my current master to do list: Call our insurance company, paint my daughter’s bedside table, wrap my other daughter’s birthday presents. It’s hodge-podge. It’s everything.

This helps keep my mind clear, so I don’t try to carry all this in my head or forget something important (the worst!).

Special Category To-Do List: This is exactly what it implies. This would be a shopping list or a “Things to Do Before Vacation” list or a special project list.

I currently have a “writing to do list” and a “women’s ministry to do list.” Maybe yours may be a homeschooling list or home projects.

Big Important Thing about This List: I do not work off this list daily!!! I don’t open this list up at the beginning of the day and start trying to do stuff. Rememeber the Overwhelm? Yeah. If I look at a list with 30 random items on them and try to work from that, I will cry.

No, this is the list I pull from when I’m making my ToDay List

The To-Day List: What I’m doing today

The To-Day List is my most favorite of all the lists in the land. This is where everything that’s important to me gets an actual place in my schedule. I look at my Master Lists and I pull items off, one at a time, and plug them into my day. I give them real time slot and I schedule them in.

I make this list out daily, and consult it several times a day. It only contains a few items, because time is finite. I can only do so much. I try to only put on my list what I think I can actually do. This way, I don’t feel like a slave, neither do I become overwhelmed.

The To-Done/Ta-Da List: What I’ve accomplished

One of the most satisfying things for a list-maker is to cross stuff off and to look back and see all you’ve accomplished. Just saying that makes me all warm inside. The To-Done/Ta-Da List is that–the ToDay list with everything crossed off it. If you are a person who gets to the end of the day and can’t remember what you did, this one is for you. Not everyone needs this, but I do. It’s very good for my psyche to look back and remember everything I accomplished in a week. Right now, I’m actually keeping my To-Done/Ta-Da Lists so I can see the progress I’m making on certain projects. It’s the bomb.

List-Making Tips

  • Use whatever planner works for you. If you like fancy planners, then go for it. I personally use a 3 ring binder from Target, or like this one which is much prettier, loose leaf paper, and a simple set of tabs.
  • On your To-Day list be sure to include all the things that are important to you. On my To-Day list I include my workout, what I’m making for dinner, my daily prayer focus, any household chores I’m doing, appointments, meetings, and kid activities (extracted from my iPhone calendar), and whatever I’ve transferred over from my Master list.
  • At the end of the day, look at the To-Day list and circle anything you didn’t get to. If you still need to do it, then find a place where it makes sense. If you can let it go, then cross if off and let it be free.
  • Don’t write too much. I’m notorious for thinking I can do more than I can actually do. Everything always takes longer than I think it will. So I under-plan. I can always add something if I miraculously get it all done.
  • Take a good month or two or ten to find your groove. Don’t give up too quickly.
  • If you do something that is not on your list, by all means write it down and cross that sucker off. Heck yeah. The satisfaction is worth it.
  • Schedule margin into your day.
  • Start each week with a fresh Master to Do List. The simple act of transferring items to a new list can help you discern if the items are things you should even be doing. It will also give you weekly reminders of what has been lingering on your list for awhile (I have some items that have been on my Master List for over a year.) It also brings some clarity, as things naturally bubble up to the surface in priority.
  • Take 1 minute before you go to bed to look at your list and jot down the next day’s things. I like to do this because as I lay in bed or when I’m getting up and brushing my teeth and getting my coffee, my mind is already thinking about what I’ll be doing. It helps me stay focused on just the day’s tasks and mentally prepare.

The post was adapted from Episode 5 of The Balanced MomCast with Sandy Cooper. You can listen on iTunes or stream from the web.

This post contains affiliate links. That means if you click through and purchase an item through the link, I will receive a small commission for sending you there at absolutely no additional cost to you. Thank you for supporting me as I provide you with free content.

8 Things Well-Balanced People Do Differently

 1
They define what a balanced life means for them.


They realize true balance is knowing and living their priorities; therefore, well-balanced people clearly define their priorities. They have a vision for what they value, where they are going, and (most importantly) where they are not going. They recognize the temptation to look around and compare themselves with others—but they are experts at tuning out all the voices contrary to their values.


2
They simplify.


They are masters of minimalism and efficiency.
I don’t mean they all have a capsule wardrobe and sparse home décor. I mean, if they can make something simpler, they do it—their schedule, their closet, their routine, whatever. They recognize that it takes a little work on the front end to declutter a home or unsubscribe from unwanted e-mails, but the results will carry through for months or even years. Ultimately, their simplification clears up time to pursue the things that truly support their values.


3
They set goals related to and supporting their priorities.


Once they have a vision of what balance means for them, they set goals that directly support that vision. Some may actually write down their goals and others may not. In fact, some of them may not even think of themselves as “goal-setters.” But if you were to ask them what they are doing to pursue their priorities, they could tell you, without hesitation.

4
They use “yes” and “no” wisely.


They say yes to things that clearly matter to them, and they say no to everything else. They understand time is a valuable and finite resource, so they don’t waste it on things that are contrary to their mission. They know how to minimize distraction. They are really great at living out what is most important to them—and they delegate, hire out, or simply ignore everything else.

5
They establish meaningful routines and rituals.


If a relationship with God is an important component of balance for them, they establish a daily ritual of prayer, meditation, or Bible reading. If debt-free living is an important component of balance for them, they routinely keep a budget. If intimacy in marriage is important to them, they have regular times of connection built into their week. Well-balanced people realize routines—good or bad—become habits. And habits determine the outcome of their lives.


6
They prioritize their health.


They aren’t necessarily running marathons or keeping detailed food logs (some are, though!), but they all understand that feeling well physically is a key component to a well-balanced life. This means they take good care of themselves. They try to get adequate rest. They generally watch what they eat. They make time for some sort of exercise on a regular basis. They minimize stress and know how to recharge when they feel depleted. In short, they have routines and rituals in place that support physical health.


7
They remain flexible.

This doesn’t mean they quickly abandon their routines or their priorities. It means they regularly reflect on what is working and what is not, and they make necessary adjustments, as needed. They realize life is complicated and messy, full of endless moving parts and ever changing seasons. So, they periodically examine their priorities, their routines, their rituals, and their commitments, and adjust them to fit their circumstances.


8
They invest deeply in relationships.


No matter what their definition of balance, whether introvert or extrovert, well-balanced people know they cannot live a well-balanced life in isolation. They are relational to the core, even if their core consists of only a few people. They have a healthy network surrounding them and supporting them—family, friends, coworkers, and/or church. They make time for regular interaction, regular conversation, preferably, face to face. They look to someone else for wisdom and encouragement–maybe a parent, a mentor, or a spiritual leader. They have a least one confidant–a best friend, a spouse, or a sibling. And they are regularly pouring into someone else– perhaps their children, a younger adult, or maybe a group of people through a volunteer effort. The people in their posse may change periodically (see #7!), but once they identify their people, they go deep.

If you’d like a beautiful, printable copy of this, click here.

6 Questions to Ask Yourself When You Don’t Know What to Do

Every day we make decisions about where to direct our focus, our attention, our time, and our efforts. Some are small and inconsequential. But others are huge and life-altering. Or maybe not life-altering, but day-altering, or week-altering. The consequences of making an unwise decision can propel us into overcommitment and overwhelm with a simple “yes.” But it’s not always easy for us to accurately predict how our decisions will play out.

How do we decide what to do, when we don’t know what to do?

Today, I’m giving you six questions to ask yourself when faced with a new opportunity. If you are on the cusp (I love that word) of making a decision, but you don’t know which way to lean, these will help you sort through your options.

You won’t need to ask yourself all six questions every time. But working your way through these questions will help you narrow it down, and will lead you in the right direction.

Question 1: Is the opportunity a form of loving God and/or loving others?

“The most important [commandment],” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

Mark 12:29-31

Admittedly, this is a very broad umbrella. And most of us can creatively make almost anything fit here. But if something we are questioning does not somehow directly relate to us loving God with our entire being and loving people, then we need to drop that thing. It is not a priority. It is not worth our time.

For example, Prioritizing time I spend reading and studying the Word of God and in prayer falls squarely under this umbrella. In fact, it’s so important to me that I try to do this the very first thing every single day.

Prioritizing my husband and my children falls squarely under this umbrella—right now the things I do for them and with them almost always trump other things. For me, these things are non-negotiables.

It gets dicey when we start talking about loving other people, because there are approximately 7.5 billion people in the world and we cannot possibly love all of them in the same way. Right? Right.

Notice, Jesus used the word “neighbor.” Well who is that? A Teacher of the law asked that same question in the Gospel of Luke, again to test Jesus and to justify himself (the bible says), and you may recall that this is where Jesus tells the story of the Good Samaritan.

We don’t have space to launch into a full Bible study in this post, but, I believe when Jesus tells us to love our neighbor, he’s talking about those who are closest to us (family, friends, literal neighbors, etc) and also those whom God places in our path, whoever that might be.

Question 2: Is the opportunity loving toward myself?

Notice, when Jesus explained loving people, He said we need to love others as we love ourselves. This implies that we are loving ourselves well

So, is the opportunity healthy? Or will it make me sick or dependent or addicted or overweight? Will it deprive me of sleep? Will it prohibit me from properly resting or from properly exercising? Will it isolate me from life-giving relationships? Will it compromise my physical or emotional health in any way?

If what I’m considering is not healthy for me, then it should not be a priority for me.

For me, this means that making time to exercise daily, disciplining myself to get to bed to get a good night’s sleep, and budgeting my time and money in such a way as to allow our family to eat healthy whole foods most of the time are top priorities for me.

Question 3: Is the opportunity a clear yes?

In Greg McKeown’s best selling book, Essentialism, he describes a simple technique for making choices. He says, if the answer isn’t a definite yes, then it should be a no. In other words, if it isn’t a clear yes—abso-freaking-lutely YES–then it’s a clear no.

This one test helps me distinguish between good and very good. Or as Charles Spurgeon put it, “between right and almost right.”

Chaperoning the field trip? Clear yes?
Taking the optional business trip? Clear yes?
Dinner with the friend from high school you haven’t seen in 20 years but is in town and called you last minute? Clear yes?

If not, then let it be a no.

Question 4 Is this an emergency?

In most cases, emergencies trump everything. In March, my husband’s brother had a horrible accident at work, and suffered a traumatic brain injury. Jon dropped everything and drove six hours to be with him, over two different weekends. Normally, his brother would be way down the priority list, but not that day.

In an emergency, you stop your normal routine, you call in to work, you ask a friend to watch the kids, you stay as late as you need to.

A little sidenote about emergencies: not only do they trump everything, but they bring instant clarity. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been confused about something—maybe a complicated dynamic in a friendship or what direction to proceed with my work or my ministry, or maybe my husband and I have been in a fight and I’m all frustrated with him and am letting myself stew about it for way too long. And then an emergency happens, and instantly, I can see it all clearly. All the stuff that doesn’t matter, falls away and I see with perfect clarity what does matter.

So, while we all hate when emergencies happen, I’m so thankful for the way God redeems them and uses them for our good.

Question 5: What season am I in?

I’m sorry. I know the analogy of “seasons” is so overdone—almost as much as the use of the word “journey.” But knowing and understanding your season is super important in determining your priorities.

When we talk about literal seasons, there are certain activities and practices that are appropriate in one season that would be downright life-threatening in another. Swimming in the lake, for example. In the summer when it’s July and the temperature outside is 89, then swimming in the lake is perfect! But when it’s February and the temperature outside is 2, and half the lake is frozen, then getting in there for a swim, will kill you.

But here’s the thing about seasons: they are temporary. When you’re in the middle of it, it’s hard to believe it will end—like winter in Kentucky this year—but I promise, the seasons end.

Because I’m a mom, I’m going to focus on mom seasons for a second. And I’m going to sound like the old lady in Target who’s going to remind you how fast it all goes (hold on while I pull up my knee-high stockings).

  1. Do you have babies and toddlers in the home? Are you breastfeeding? Do your kids take naps? It’s a season. When you’re in it, it feels like you will always be tethered to a small child. But I’m here to tell you, you will not. It ends.
  2. Are your kids in school? Are you homeschooling? Are your kids playing sports or in after school activities? Are you in the “drive my kids all over creation” and “I hope I don’t forget to pick one up” season? It’s temporary. It will end.
  3. Do you have kids transitioning out of your home? Into college? Or into marriage? Are you looking at colleges or apartments or wedding gowns? It’s a season. They actually do become real adults with lives outside of us. (snif.)

Each season of motherhood–of life!– requires a unique set of priorities. Just like literal seasons, what I do in one season could be perfectly fine—great, even. But if I try to do that in another season, it would be dangerous.

I don’t know you or your circumstances, but when my kids were babies and toddlers, most things got put up on a shelf for later. Literally and figuratively. It doesn’t mean I never did anything away from my kids—I did—but 90% of the time, if I had the choice between my babies and doing anything else, I chose my babies. It was a short season. Was that always easy? Nope. Did I miss some great opportunities? Yep. Do I regret that? Not for one second.

If you’re a Momma, lean in here for a second: when you make choices to love your kids based on the season they are in, you will need to make some hard choices. You will miss some great opportunities. It’s true. But you must trust God that when the season passes, He will bring you some new opportunities. Better opportunities.

I know many of you choose to work outside the home, and you LOVE what you do. That’s awesome! If you are not wrestling with this as a balance issue, then this next little part is not for you…feel free to scroll. I’m talking to the mommas who feel trapped and confused and don’t know how to reconcile what they want to do with the season their kids are in.

Many awesome moms I know, for the short season their kids were babies and toddlers, chose to work part time, or they worked from home, or they tag-teamed with dad so that they could use childcare as little as possible. You are so smart and amazing, and you are super creative. Use your creativity to figure something out so you don’t have to be away from your little ones all day every day. It only needs to be for a short time. And it won’t be easy, I get it. BUT you only get one shot at raising those little ones. One shot. And then you can go and do all those other things you’re awesome at and that you love.

I can promise you, there are things that I wanted to do 15 years ago when I had kids swarming everywhere and I was wiping bottoms and cleaning up spit up and spoon-feeding kids in high chairs, but I couldn’t do them because I couldn’t balance both and do either well. And, quite honestly, it was frustrating, because I saw a lot of other moms pursuing their dreams with kids and I couldn’t figure it out. They were writing books and speaking all over the place and I was always like, How are they doing this?

(Ironically, many of those same women have since come out with books about how they practically killed themselves during that season and how they have since learned to pull back, set better boundaries, and say no. So, maybe it wasn’t as easy for them as it looked from afar.)

This year my kids will be 20, 18, and 13. I promise you, I can do things that I absolutely could not do 15 years ago or even 5 years ago! And I can do them completely guilt free. Because I’m in a different season, entirely.

Question 6: Does this opportunity align with my goals?

First of all, this is assuming you have some goals and that you’ve prayed and asked for direction from God concerning those goals. If you don’t know what your goals are, then step back and pray about that first.

Is your goal to get healthy this year? If so, then eating and cooking home-cooked, whole foods meals should be a priority. Also, daily exercise and rest.

Is your goal to get out of debt? Then cutting coupons and shopping deals and limiting spending will be your priority.

One of my goals this year was to get my podcast up and running, and also preparing for two writers conferences I’m attending later this year. I’m running all other opportunities through that filter.

Some opportunities will be great or terrible based on your goal. For example, maybe your girlfriends asked you to go on a trip to Cancun and you are trying to decide if this should be a priority. First of all, your priority should be to keep those awesome friends. And also, invite me into your friend group.

If your goal is to get out of debt and you don’t have the money budgeted for a Cancun trip, then you absolutely should not go. But if your goal this year is to connect deeply with your closest female friends, then this trip could be a clear and definitive yes!

You will not always get it right. That’s okay. God is full of grace and, if you do things with a pure and humble heart, motivated by LOVE for God and your family, God will use even your mistakes for your good. A lot of this is trial and error and requires wisdom.

Wisdom is a byproduct of

  1. Prayer/asking God
  2. Life experience
  3. Time on this earth/age

So as you get closer to God and older, you will gain more and more wisdom and make better and better choices concerning your priorities and ultimately your balance.

This post is adapted from Episode 4 of The Balanced MomCast. You can listen on iTunes,  Spotify, Stitcher, or stream from the web.

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