1. Sandy there is so much that I can say. I’m blessed, uplifted, deeply touched and tremendously moved by what you’ve shared. I am still chewing on:

    “Sandy, real faith is not when you believe God and then get whatever you prayed for…real faith is trusting God, even when you don’t get what you’ve prayed for. Sandy, you have real faith!”

    You, like most of us, have gone through some very deep, personal, painful situations but we can see/hear our GOD speaking, comforting,encouraging and even at times challenging us through the storms of life.

    I will have to go back and re-read this post again tomorrow when I’m even more alert. It’s been a beautiful day in the LORD and I’ve cried out on this Resurrection Sunday so I will be back tomorrow.

    Love you.

  2. I actually thought of you and Noah this weekend as I was reflecting on the Blessed Mother and her pain in watching Jesus be crucified. You have something in common with her that I don’t…you, too, have watched your son die.

    I see God’s imprint as you tell your story, even through the confusion, anger, and doubt. I see the evidence of grace.

    Your writing is honest, intimate, and hopeful. It draws me in…

    As always, you are a blessing.

  3. Oh Sandy–Your manuscript is so moving, intimate and inviting. I so pray God would use it and a publisher would pick it up!

    My journey is so much the same just with different circumstances. I spent many, many years asking God why He loved everyone else more than me…why my prayers were not good enough to be answered and other similar questions.

    Like you the revelation that faith was trusting Him no matter what led to great and deep lessons on the sovereignty of God.

    Thank you for being brave enough to share Noah’s life and your brokeness with us.

  4. Sandy,
    Again, thank you for your willingness to share your testimony. I loved this post. I heard a minister say just a few weeks ago that some of the most hurtful things he’s heard said came from people within the church. It is so strange to me to hear someone believes God wants to heal, but his “hands are tied.” God can do all things, but He can do nothing that is not in His will. I think that’s where we struggle…It’s hard to see how losing a child could be in His will, and how He will use it for His glory. You are living testimony of Isaiah 61:3 “and provide for those who grieve in Zion-to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.”

    God bless you Sandy!

  5. I remember all too well the comments people were making back then and how they hurt you. I remember you waiting for the test results with Rebekah. I read your post with knots in my stomach.

    Thank you again for sharing. I am continually amazed at how you can put into words the pain you felt and how God has revealed Himself to you through it all. You have been given a gift to write and I think your book will help so many.

    I love you!

  6. I don’t even know where to begin…

    I’m a nurse and while going through nursing school I worked as a nurses aid on a pediatric unit. I love working with the kids, but I hated seeing what they were going through and I often thought “Why God are you putting these innocent children through this?” When I graduated I immediately started working in an Adult Intensive Care Unit. I saw some pretty harsh things, and again I questioned life itself!

    I personally have not had to deal with death alot. I still have a great grandmother and both sets of my grandparents that are still living. My husband on the other hand has none and has even lost an uncle.

    Death, or should I say losing someone I love is one of my worst fears, so I can’t even begin to imagine what you must have felt carrying your unborn child while grieving for your son.

    As I read what people did to you I honestly became VERY angry. Hadn’t you already been through enough…what gave them the right to say anything like that…why would God keep allowing you to suffer in such a way?

    It is when I see innocent children or people of faith, such as yourself suffer that I begin to lose my own faith. I remember your very first post about Noah. On that same day I read Audrey Caroline’s story – it crushed me and I immediately became angry with God. It wasn’t until I talked to my husband and one of our best friends, who’s a minister at our church, that my faith and trust was beginning to restore.

    I love that you are sharing your story with us, but I hate how you have suffered. You have touched all of us!

  7. “I’ve stopped striving for the answer, for the formula, for the solution. I’ve given control of my family, my future and my life to the Lord.”Amen, and again I say AMEN! You and your family are a blessing and the words you share from your heart touch each and everyone that is “lucky” enough to read them!

  8. Thank you for your complete honesty-we all struggle and your sharing how you learn to live day by day after the death of your precious Noah will help SO many-including me!

  9. Sandy, there is so much heartbreak and wisdom and Godly truth in this post. You’ve made so many comments that resonnate so deeply with me, ‘Confusion is the factor that shreds one’s faith.’ That is so true, confusion as to why I went through severe depression when God could have averted it or stopped it almost destroyed me.

    ‘Real faith is trusting God, even when you don’t get what you’ve prayed for.’ Spot on, and a lesson we Christians really, really need to learn. I could relate as well to the soul searching, accusations from others thinking it was Satan’s attacks or you having insufficient faith – all wrong!
    “Though He slay me, yet will I praise Him,” says the Bible. Yet only those who’ve been through what you have experienced can truly understand that.

    And amen to, “God doesn’t want us to fear, but it is not because He will deliver us from all the bad things that can happen to us. It is because He is with us in the middle of all the bad things!” So true, God takes us through storms, and deeper intimacy with Him as a result is worth it.

  10. O Sandy, you have such a gift to talk about these deep issues. I am blessed every time I read your blog and I keep recommending your blog to the ladies in my groups who need to hear these amazing truths. God bless you girl!

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