The 10 Commandments of Optimum Fitness
These are the commands, decrees and laws I, Fitness Friday Girl, teach you to observe in the land as you strive to live a life of health and fitness. They are given you so that you and your children and their children after them will keep all the commands and decrees that I give you, and so you may enjoy long life. Hear, O Blog Reader, be careful to obey so that it may go well with you and you may not increase in weight or sickness and that you may thrive in the land flowing with skim milk and honey, just as I, Fitness Friday Girl, promised you.
I. . Remember to commit everything, especially your health and fitness, to the Lord your God. Do not be afraid to ask God for help when you are tempted to lie on the couch and consume the pan of brownies. The Lord your God cares about your health. Commit your plans to the Lord and your thoughts will be established and your plans will succeed.
II. You shall eat a diet rich with every kind of fruit and vegetable created by God. Eat them with every meal and with every snack. When your produce drawer runs dry, have frozen produce on hand. Never be without fruits and vegetables. Be creative in your preparation and find tastes and textures that are pleasing to your pallet, so that you not crave the French fry or the potato chip.
III. You shall eat a diet rich in whole grains and lean proteins. Man should not live by white bread and white rice alone. Flee from the fatted calf , the pot-bellied pig and whatever animal yields hot dogs. Do not deep-fry your food, but grill, bake or broil instead. For if you continue to eat these things, you shall surely need to buy bigger jeans.
IV. Do not consume artificial sweeteners, hydrogenated oils or highly processed foods with preservatives, additives and neon colors. Do not be deceived. These foods are false foods. They were not created by God, but by a guy in a white jacket within a chemistry lab. They are not appropriate for human consumption. Flee them so that you may live long on this earth.
V. When determining what to consume, do not rely on calories alone. Low calorie foods can deceive you into thinking you are making the healthy choice. Better to choose the most nutrient dense food—the food with the most vitamins, minerals, protein or fiber—rather than the one with least calories.
VI. Drink water. Drink water when you rise and before you lie down. When you walk along the road and before you eat a meal. Drink at least 64 ounces of purified water per day.
VII. Remember the Sabbath and to get a good night’s sleep each and every night. Sleep deprivation makes you sluggish, mentally dull and overweight.
VIII. Watch and pray about your portion sizes. When you were a slave to food, you ate whatever Applebee’s put before you. You feasted at the $10.99 All-You-Can-Eat fried shrimp buffet. But you, Oh Blog Reader, are now free. You are no longer slaves, but have been given the spirit of self-control. You must discern what is a proper portion and pay no attention to the heathens who would try to lead you astray, for I am Fitness Friday Girl.
IX. Remember to exercise with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your strength. Daily cardiovascular exercise strengthens the heart and burns fat. If you do not want to become like the fatted calf or pot-bellied pig, you must exercise.
X. Bind weights to your arms and legs so that you may partake in resistance training. Optimum health requires that you build muscle mass. Muscle mass raises your metabolism and causes your entire body to burn calories more efficiently. Women, do not fear bulking up. God has not given you enough testosterone to produce such manly muscle mass. Trust Fitness Friday Girl.
These commands that I give you today are for the good of your hearts. Impress them upon your children, even when they whine for more cookies or refuse to step away from the Wii so that they may go outside and ride their bikes. Talk about them when you sit at home, when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
In the future when your son asks you, “What is the meaning of all these stipulations?” tell him,
“We were once slaves of food and laziness , but Fitness Friday Girl gave us these decrees so that we might have health and strength and live long on this earth.”
Fitness Friday Girl has proclaimed these laws this day. Barring any terrible computer clitch, they are forever set on this blog, and will someday be in the archives.
Yeah and Amen.
Oh, I hope the Lord continues to instill in you creativity and insight as you, Fitness Girl Friday, help us, me, through this battle of going from slavery to the promised land… Cause honestly, this dieting wilderness really stinks. There are times I feel it was better in the Egypt of my sluggishness, tight clothing, and buldging waste. This is hard. This requires discipline. Where are teh quick fixes? NO fare.
Oh, I fear I might be spending another 40 years in this wilderness but do hope that Fitness Girl Friday will lead me through into the promised land of fitness and health….
Oh, I hope the Lord continues to instill in you creativity and insight as you, Fitness Girl Friday, help us, me, through this battle of going from slavery to the promised land… Cause honestly, this dieting wilderness really stinks. There are times I feel it was better in the Egypt of my sluggishness, tight clothing, and buldging waste. This is hard. This requires discipline. Where are teh quick fixes? NO fare.
Oh, I fear I might be spending another 40 years in this wilderness but do hope that Fitness Girl Friday will lead me through into the promised land of fitness and health….
Sandy, I LOVE this! I can't believe how creative you really are. And if this is something you put together quickly, WOW!
My BSF friends are studying the life of Moses so this is perfect! I'm going to send it on to all of them.
Sandy, I LOVE this! I can't believe how creative you really are. And if this is something you put together quickly, WOW!
My BSF friends are studying the life of Moses so this is perfect! I'm going to send it on to all of them.
Very clever! What a fun way to put all those rules!
I shall endeavor to follow them faithfully, although I shall resist the urge to bind them to my forehead!
Very clever! What a fun way to put all those rules!
I shall endeavor to follow them faithfully, although I shall resist the urge to bind them to my forehead!
Hilarious! and true!! Love it!
I especially loved the part about binding weights on our arms and legs! Great stuff!
I will go back to it often!
Don´t want to spend 40 years in the wilderness of fatness!!
Hilarious! and true!! Love it!
I especially loved the part about binding weights on our arms and legs! Great stuff!
I will go back to it often!
Don´t want to spend 40 years in the wilderness of fatness!!
You are so creative! I love it! I will post a bit of this and link it to you… so people have to come over to you to read the rest! This is great! Thank you!!!! 52 pounds down… 178 more pounds to go! I can do it!!!
You are so creative! I love it! I will post a bit of this and link it to you… so people have to come over to you to read the rest! This is great! Thank you!!!! 52 pounds down… 178 more pounds to go! I can do it!!!
So awesome.
So awesome.
I'm walking away from this blog post encouraged and motivated 🙂
"The 10 Commandments of Optimum Fitness"…..I totally love it!
You rock 🙂
Blessings,
Kate
I'm walking away from this blog post encouraged and motivated 🙂
"The 10 Commandments of Optimum Fitness"…..I totally love it!
You rock 🙂
Blessings,
Kate
How clever and what great commandments/advice!
Melanie@Bella~Mella
How clever and what great commandments/advice!
Melanie@Bella~Mella
I loved this, so true and funny!
I loved this, so true and funny!
Sandy,
Very nice!! I shall do my best to obey thee. I have a suggestion for those of us who have little knowledge beyond the hot dog! Could you add to your Friday blog an occasional recipe for a good vegetarian meal or cook book for us beginners and families(kids) who are afraid of veggies. Thanks, Jennifer Burton
Sandy,
Very nice!! I shall do my best to obey thee. I have a suggestion for those of us who have little knowledge beyond the hot dog! Could you add to your Friday blog an occasional recipe for a good vegetarian meal or cook book for us beginners and families(kids) who are afraid of veggies. Thanks, Jennifer Burton
So well written Sandy! You are an awesome writer!
So well written Sandy! You are an awesome writer!
I need the peace of mind that should one of my rambunctious
children knock it over, no harm will come to them or my home.
But many shy away from using them after reading horror stories of house fires
that were caused because of their use. On a $200 a month gas bill, this would lower the bill by $50.
When you choose the right compressor, your job is made considerably
easier, thereby making the difference between a job being difficult and
a job being made easier. This will help keep your family, and your neighbours from cringing every time you
get your tools out to do some work. Gas-powered unit is more portable but not appropriate in enclosed areas for it releases fumes.
An intriguing discussion is definitely worth comment.
I do think that you ought to write more about this subject, it might not be a taboo
subject but typically folks don’t talk about
these subjects. To the next! All the best!!