BBi2013 Week 7: Define Success

 

“So be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact. And remember that life’s A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed).”
― Dr. Seuss,

I like the idea of being successful. I strive to be successful at whatever I do. But when I have an inaccurate definition of success, I chase things that don’t exist…
or shouldn’t exist…
or shouldn’t exist for me…
or shouldn’t exist for me right now.
Sometimes I aim too high. And sometimes I aim too low. Sometimes I just aim too wrong.

How I define “success” will greatly affect my balance.

“Our greatest fear should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that don’t really matter.”
― Francis Chan

One thing that has tripped me up a lot the last few years is my definition of “Successful Blogger.” In my mind, a Successful Blogger is one who

1. Generates income from the blog—maybe enough so the spouse can quit work
2. Has over 5,000 10,000 subscribers
3. Grows explosively—seemingly, without trying
4. Has a book contract with a traditional publisher and/or a published book.

Those are worthy goals. And in many ways, those are also great indicators of success. But they aren’t the only indicators of success or even the best indicators of success. They may not be the best indicators of success for me. If I’m not careful, I can get sidetracked, striving to reach those goals, and miss the “success” right before my eyes:

1. A faithful following of real people who show up and (generally) like what I have to say
2. The opportunity to impact people all around the world while still being present to my family
3. A viable outlet for writing and teaching with tremendous potential and flexibility
4. The confidence that I’m following what I believe to be God’s direction in my life

The problem with missing the success right before my eyes, is that I’m prone to worry and fret that I’m not working hard enough, or not focused enough or not talented enough to achieve “real success.” So, I work harder and get hyper-focused and set crazy goals and beat myself up for being nothing-but-average.

What a waste of valuable time and energy!

“I’ve had great success being a total idiot. ”
― Jerry Lewis

When I hear the words, “Successful Businessman/Businesswoman” I think high salary, big influence and great decision-making power. Maybe a certain position on the org chart and a big house in a posh neighborhood. Maybe company perks and corner office with giant windows. Definitely awesome shoes.

 

“In the West, you measure a man’s wealth by his possessions. Here, we measure a man’s wealth by his friends.”
~An unknown Ethiopian man living in dire poverty

People do really dumb, unbalanced things to become “Successful Businessmen/women”—like neglect their spouses, their children, their health or their integrity. Why?

Because our definitions of success determine our course.

Maybe it’s time we take a good, hard look how we define success. In every area of life, we must know and understand what drives us and pulls us.

What is a successful parent?
What is a successful friendship?
What is a successful marriage?
What is a successful ministry?
What is a successful blogger/businessman?

Don’t look around and use your (limited, faulty) perception of others to shape your definition. God may be leading you somewhere much bigger

or much smaller

or much different

than what you have in mind.

Whatever you set your hand to do, be certain you know exactly what you are striving for. Be certain your definition of success meets the one God has for you. That definition will determine how you spend your time, and ultimately your life.

 

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Week Seven Focus:

For a long time, I had a crazy definition in my head of “Successful Mother.” It went something like this:

“A successful mother is one who always puts her kids first. She plays outside with her children, takes them to the park almost every day, and never, (ever!) stops playtime to do dishes or laundry or vacuum or dust. Yet, somehow, she manages to keep a tidy, organized house?? She enjoys playing imaginative games. She loves making crafts, and keeps craft supplies handy for the days she can’t go to the park due to inclement weather. She doesn’t stress about anything, especially messes. She bakes cookies and feeds them to the children after craft time. She never worries about the sugar content of the cookies. She doesn’t mind putting her personal needs (like exercise) on hold, because she knows childhood is only a season—she always keeps proper perspective and is super-sweet. And super-skinny.”

So, yeah—for a few years, I secretly perceived myself as a total failure of a mom, because that definition pretty much describes my complete opposite. I couldn’t figure out how to have a clean house if I didn’t actually take time to clean it. Nor could I figure out how to stay skinny if I baked cookies and neglected my workouts. Part of me needed to realize my definition was unrealistic. Another part of me needed to appreciate and embrace the unique gifts I bring to my children, and to stop trying to be someone I’m not.

I have a new definition of “successful mother,” and it has a lot more to do with leading my children to the heart of God than it does leading them to the park.

(Though I do enjoy the park–just not every single day. I am pro-park.)

1. Look at your job, your volunteer work, your ministry and your relationships. Write down what you consider “success” in those areas. Even if it’s insane, write it down anyway. I think it’s so good to articulate what we have in our heads.

2. Now, take a look at this:

“Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. (Joshua 1:7)

“Uzziah was sixteen years old when he became king, and he reigned in Jerusalem fifty-two years. His mother’s name was Jekoliah; she was from Jerusalem. He did what was right in the eyes of the LORD, just as his father Amaziah had done. He sought God during the days of Zechariah, who instructed him in the fear of God. As long as he sought the LORD, God gave him success. (2 Chronicles 26: 3-5)

“He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” (Micah 6:8)

3. Based on these three scriptures, how does God define success?

4. Have you uncovered a discrepancy between your definitions and God’s definition?

5. Should you write down a new definition?

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To see all the posts in the series Better Balance in 2013 (BBi2013) click here.

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Linking up with my friend Jen today.