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by Sandy Cooper

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Finding Your Holiday Balance, Part Two: Steering Clear of the Comparison Trap

I have never met a woman who does not struggle with comparison on some level. She may exist, but I’ve never met her, is all I’m saying. We already know that falling into the Comparison Trap steals our joy on a regular day, but did you know it can actually ruin the holidays? This is because everything in December gets cranked up and concentrated and intensified. That little distraction of comparison that causes you to veer out of your lane every so often on a normal day will propel you straight into oncoming traffic and cause a head-on collision over the holidays.

So, today I’m giving you Four Common Holiday Comparison Traps, followed by a few strategies to help you avoid them.

1. Picture-perfect Fake Holidays — or — Dysfunctional Family Gatherings

Holiday expectations (at least in the U.S.) have these two distinct narratives.

The Picture Perfect Fake Holiday involves a mash-up of the following images: chestnuts roasting on an open fire; a thick white layer of fresh-fallen snow; excited children with sparkly eyes in matching pjs; magical(?); a new car in the driveway (preferably a Lexus) with a giant red bow on top –alternatively– a tiny box with an expensive piece of diamond jewelry inside (placed lovingly into your hand by your husband who has the perfect 5-o’clock shadow and also matching pjs); and a loving multi-generational family wearing cozy sweaters gathered around a large table as the Honey Baked Ham and Pillsbury crescent rolls (steaming hot) are placed in the center. The lighting, warm, and the tablescape…flawless. This image may or may not involve a puppy, depending on how you feel about dogs.

On the other end of the extreme is Disaster and Dysfunction: crazy alcoholic Uncle Bob saying inappropriate things while sipping spiked eggnog; your controlling and perfectly coiffed mother-in-law insisting you drag your small children away from their gifts on Christmas morning to celebrate at her meticulously decorated home on the other end of town (because this is how we’ve always done it) while she also criticizes your parenting skills and/or your current weight; stress and debt and chaos and destructive family dynamics, all reminding you of why you moved to the other end of town and hate Christmas with a red-hot passion.

How to Avoid This Trap

May I submit that real-life holidays are neither extreme? At least not entirely. For most of us, they are a balance of both. A little magical and a little crazy. They fall somewhere in between, with elements of the two extremes living side-by-side.

It may be that you have a delicious dinner display on your dining room table, while at the exact same time, your relatives are having a heated and divisive argument in the driveway over politics.

That’s normal. That’s okay.

Don’t judge the success or failure of your holiday based on either narrative. Most of these ideas were planted in our minds by song lyrics, movie scripts, and marketing campaigns anyway. Going into this month with realistic expectations will help you enjoy the magic while also dismissing the chaos.

2. Other People Who Do the Holiday-Thing Better Than You

Maybe your sister has the best house for hosting, while you are stuck in a one-bedroom rental.

Maybe your mom always makes the perfect dessert spread, while you have never baked a batch of cookies without burning them.

Maybe your brother shows up with his well-behaved and polite kids, while yours are glued to their phones and refuse to make eye-contact.

How to Avoid This Trap

Well, for one, you can ask your sister to host the event and encourage your mom to bring the desserts. Everyone is good at something–why not release people do what they love and go where they thrive? Let them shine. Lavish them with affirmation. Be their biggest fans.

At the gathering, sit down next to those perfectly-poised nieces and nephews and have a life-giving conversation with them. Love the HECK out of those kids. Find out what makes them tick. Tell them funny stories from your youth. Ask them lots of questions. I guarantee, they are fighting battles just like your kids are — they feel insecure and uncertain and scared, just like your kids. They need cheerleaders, not judges. Then, pull your brother aside and say, “You’re doing a great job with your children. I always knew you’d be a great dad. I’m proud of you.”

In other words, shine the spotlight as brightly as you can on the people you love. This is one of the most effective strategies for successfully avoiding the Comparison Trap.

Meanwhile, you find the thing you love to do, and get busy becoming great at it.

3. Social Media

These were my literal thoughts last December while viewing Facebook:

Oh my gosh, she had professional photos taken and has the cutest card!
She bought all her presents and had them wrapped and under the tree by December 1!
She baked the most beautiful cookies with her kids—and made ginger bread houses!
She hosted a fancy Christmas party in her home and made all the food herself!
She went to New York City and attended the Macy’s Parade!
She attended the Nutcracker with her girls!
took the kids ice skating…
went to a live manger…
did donuts with Santa…
gave presents to a needy family…
went to the Bahamas…
snuggled with her children with hot chocolate and watched Christmas movies…
attended Christmas Eve Candlelight Service…
made homemade gifts for all the teachers…
did acts of kindness every day during Advent…
hosted a cookie exchange…
hid that freaking Elf on the Shelf every blessed day!

Then, I took each of those twenty things that twenty different people did, and I morphed them into ONE FAKE PERSON. One fake person who is seemingly perfect, doing all the things during the holidays.

Am I the only one who does this?

How to Avoid This Trap

This one is simple: Stay off social media if you know it is toxic to you. I have never regretted stepping away from social media during the holidays — or any time I know it’s making me cray-cray. You probably have a hundred good reasons to stay, but I think avoiding something that drives you crazy trumps them all. I promise, it will be okay. Most people don’t even notice when you take a break anyway. (Is it the algorythms or is she taking a break? Who knows? Who cares?) 

4. What We Did Last Year/What We’ve Always Done

We always travel to grandmas. We always decorate cookies. We always send Christmas cards. We always gather with extended family on New Year’s Eve and do a White Elephant Gift Exchange beginning youngest to oldest, except on Leap Year when we do reverse order…

When something goes well, it’s understandable that you’d to try to recreate it year after year. But holding all holidays to the standard of Christmas Past is just another sneaky version of The Comparison Trap.

How to Avoid This Trap

It’s impossible to compare yourself and your holiday celebration to any version of your past and remain joyful at the same time. Families change. Kids grow up. People die. People move. People divorce and remarry. Life is constantly evolving. Change is normal and healthy.

(Notice, I didn’t say change is easy. It’s not. It’s super hard.)

The best way to approach your people on any day –but especially over the holidays — is to love them where they are today. Not where they were. Not where you want them to be. This requires a deliberate mindset shift. It means saying, “I loved what we’ve done all these years, where my people were, etc” and at the exact same time, saying, “And while things are different now, I will love and appreciate the stage we are in now.”

Don’t be afraid to drop old traditions and try something new. You may discover you or your family like something even better. Or maybe they all secretly hated the White Elephant Gift Exchange after all, and were afraid to tell you! And now they are tickled pink that you’ve decided to draw names or forgo gifts instead. Flexibility and creativity are two essential life-skills and this is the time to hone them.

***

A little note from me: In Finding Your Holiday Balance, Part One, I said I’d be posting every week-ish. Well, I’m super proud of myself for adding the “ish” to that promise, because it took me exactly three weeks to publish Part Two. I realize none of you are looking at your calendars wondering why I’m not publishing the next part. But I hate to appear irresponsible or flakey, so…Just know, a lot of life is happening between these posts, and I’m over here trying my hardest to find my own Holiday Balance so I can help you find yours.

See you next week for Part Three!

Maybe. 🙂

***

 If you want to learn more about the Comparison Trap, I’ve written two whole chapters about it in my book, Finding Your Balance. It would make a great Christmas gift for the woman in your life who feels overwhelmed and stretched. Or for you…

Finding Your Holiday Balance, Part One: Your Holiday To-Don’t List

If you struggle with balance on a regular day, the holiday season — with all its obligations and expectations — can send you into complete and utter chaos. What is aggressively marketed as The Most Wonderful Time of the Year feels more like stress and debt and five pounds of fat around your midsection.

Ask me how I know this.

A few weeks ago, I asked you, “What is your biggest struggle with balance over the holidays?” Apparently, I’m not the only one who struggles with holiday balance. Your answers ran the full gamut, from finances to family dynamics, from busyness to boundaries. I’m sorry/not sorry you have so many balance issues this time of year. Sorry, because I love you and hate to see you struggle. Not sorry, because I’m happy I’m not alone.

Turns out, the holidays tend to reveal whatever balance issues we’ve had all year long — only they’re bigger and sparklier and involve baked goods.

Balance is a spiritual condition (peace) whereby we know our priorities (what we should do) and live our priorities (how we should do it) through freedom in Christ (using our God-given gifts and talents, while also understanding and respecting our limitations). ~Finding Your Balance~

I, for one, would love to get to January, reflect back, and think, “That was a beautiful and meaningful holiday season.” But I know in order for that to happen, I must be very intentional about it. For me, Holiday Balance won’t happen accidentally.

So, today, I’m starting a series that will run weekly-ish through New Year’s Day. This is for all of us who need some help getting a grip, so we can move through the next six weeks with our peace and priorities firmly in place.

In this series, we will hit Holiday Balance from every angle and in no particular order…

  • Establishing and maintaining family traditions
  • Moving through seasons of loss and change
  • Keeping a handle on the finances and figuring out how much is too much
  • Enjoying holiday food without adding holiday pounds
  • Steering clear of the Comparison Trap
  • People Pleasing, weird family dynamics, and establishing some good boundaries
  • Perfectionism and unrealistic expectations
  • Busyness — how to deal with holiday events on top of an already overly-busy life
  • Keeping Christ the center of it all, because He is all that really matters

 

First Things First

We will never achieve balance (peace to live out our priorities) if we try to do everything. So, the first thing we must do is decide what we WON’T do. Balance is about saying no to good things so we can say yes to better things. It’s looking at everything on the plate and scraping half of it into the garbage (or maybe putting it into a tupperware container for later).

Balance requires prayerful neglect.

Think about the traditions you want to preserve and the events or activities that mean the most to you and your family, and guard those with your life. Everything else is negotiable.

As families grow and change, so will your cherished traditions. Don’t become so rigid that you can’t let things go from year to year. This isn’t life or death — it’s Thanksgiving and Christmas. Perspective is important while we make our plans.

For me, I have about four family traditions I am guarding this year. They are simple things we do almost every year that all my kids talk about and look forward to:

  • Serving the homeless on Thanksgiving morning.
  • Decorating our home for Christmas the day after Thanksgiving, while I make homemade soup, and we bust out the Christmas music.
  • Christmas Eve pasta shells (I know…weird Christmas Eve food. I started this as a newlywed because it was one of about three dinners I knew how to cook), and then driving around to look at Christmas lights.
  • Traveling to our hometown later that week to celebrate with aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents.

We do lots of other things, too. But none of them are sacred, and none of them are too important to toss off the agenda from one year to the next.

With those few activities firmly in place, I consider everything else based on its life-giving/life-sucking value. If it’s life-sucking, it goes directly on The Holiday To-Don’t List. If it’s life-giving, or is super-meaningful to my husband or children, I try to fit it in somewhere.

Your Holiday To-Don’t List should be uniquely yours. Only you know what sucks life out of you and what makes your heart sing.

If you love writing out personal greetings and addressing envelopes, then you probably should send Christmas cards. If you love baking, then make lots and lots of cookies. If you love decorating your entire house in October or shopping at 3 am on Black Friday or wearing a sparkly dress at a fancy party while you ring in the New Year, then, by all means, get jiggy with it.

But if any of that makes you want to crawl in a hole and die, you should consider adding it to your Holiday To Don’t List.

After prayerful consideration, here are some items on my 2018 Holiday To-Don’t List:

Make food no one will eat. Yes, everyone I know serves that green bean casserole with the cream of mushroom soup and fried onions; and yes, every year I have tried to add some sort of green vegetable to the table. But since my family prefers to eat mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, turkey, and stuffing on Thanksgiving, then I’m making that. It’s one meal. They will live.

Eat food I will later regret. By all means, I very much plan to eat holiday treats. But there’s a fine line between “enjoying a piece of pie” and “eating a pie.” I know where that line is, and I’m not crossing it this year.

Over-buy for my kids. This one is so hard for me. I’ll think I’m finished shopping…and then I’ll take inventory and realize one kid has two more presents than everyone else. So, I’ll shop again to even things out, only to realize one kid has several big gifts, but another kid is getting mostly socks and books. So, I’ll hop on Amazon and order something for the socks/book kid to even things out, etc, etc, etc. No one needs more stuff. No one wants to cram more things into the closets. This year, I will buy meaningful gifts the kids need and want, and I will not buy too much.

Attend events I don’t want to attend. There is no law saying I must attend every holiday event to which I receive an invitation. Amen.

Do any “tradition” out of obligation. Christmas cards? Baking 13 dozen cookies? Stringing lights across every bush in the front yard? If it doesn’t bring me great joy and happiness (or bring my very favorite people great joy and happiness) then I’m not doing it.

Let social media decide when I should listen to Christmas music, decorate my home, have my presents bought and wrapped, say Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays. I get to decide all of this. In fact, because social media tends to steal my joy over the holidays, I will be spending very limited time there. (Take THAT, Facebook and Instagram!)

Skip healthy meals, exercise, or rest so I can “get Christmas stuff done.” I have fallen into this trap many times in Christmas Past. Neglecting self-care makes me crabby and unpleasant to be around. This does not serve my family well, as you might imagine.

***

Q4U: What’s one thing that you’re putting on your 2018 Holiday To-Don’t List? 

***

If you’d like to read more about the importance of the To-Don’t List here are a few more posts I’ve written on the subject.

What I Prayerfully Neglect for the Sake of Balance

Revisiting My To-Don’t List

I Don’t Have Enough Time

***

If you’d like to learn more about finding your balance year ’round, I’ve written a book about that. You can buy it here. Finding Your Balance

 

Balance Tip: Consider Your Future Self

Present-Moment Sandy often gets irritated with Past Sandy.

Present-Moment Sandy (we’ll go ahead and call her PMS….you know…because she’s irritated) will wake up to a sink full of dishes and think, “Darn you, Past Sandy! Why didn’t you wash these yesterday?”

PMS will walk into the bedroom, see the unmade bed, and get all judgy about Past Sandy “Again? Did she do nothing this morning? Is Past Sandy too good to take the five minutes necessary to make the bed? Who does Past Sandy think she is?”

The sad irony is that PMS does the exact same thing to Future Sandy! She leaves things undone for Future Sandy to do. (This is getting complicated…stick with me.)

PMS, will see the mail pile sitting on the counter begging to be sorted. But instead of taking the two minutes necessary to complete the chore, she’ll decide to be true to the present moment.

The mail pile will be here tomorrow. This moment is not for sorting mail! No! This moment is for LIVING LIFE TO THE FULLEST! *insert inspirational soundtrack here*

She’ll do the same with the laundry pile. And the shoe pile. PMS decides All The Piles are much too insignificant to tend to in the present moment (because a tidy house is the sign of a misspent life or something), so she leaves them, undone, for Future Sandy.

Therefore, in the moment, PMS despises doing the tasks Past Sandy neglected, while at the exact same time, loves leaving tasks undone for Future Sandy.

Confused by all the Sandys and all the moments?

Let me clarify:

Ignoring a chore and leaving it for later is so decadent. Procrastination is truly wonderful in the moment! It’s so gratifying to take a deep breath and say, “It’ll be there tomorrow…I’ll worry about it then. Instead, I’ll create a meme about the importance of living in the moment and post it to my social media accounts.”

As a card-carrying Rule Follower and generally organized and disciplined person, I feel a little rebellious when I look a sink full of dishes in the eye and say, “Not today, dishes!”

But rarely am I pleased with myself when I do so. In the end, it’s never quite as satisfying as what I imagined. I never wake up and say, “WOW! I’m soooo glad I left the kitchen a complete disaster so I could walk in to a mess and try to clean it now that the food has cemented onto the plates. That was so worth it. I’ll ignore my dishes after every meal from now on.”

No, instead I end up, first of all: shocked. Because I tend to forget I rebelled against the dishes yesterday.

Next: irritated. Because I don’t really have time to chisel food off plates before I start making breakfast for the kids at 6:45 am.

Then: under-my-breath self-loathing. Because I procrastinated, and procrastination didn’t make my life any simpler in the long run. Procrastination actually bit me in the butt.

After repeating this cycle dozens of times, I finally decided to consider my Future Self.

Will she want to come home to this later?

Wake up to this tomorrow?

Walk in on this a few hours from now?

Will she be happy that I left this for her?

If the answer is “no,” I buck up and do the task right away. If I have the power, ability, and time to do so, I do so.

I take five minutes to stop the car and fill up the gas tank, so Future Sandy doesn’t need to rush around in the morning.

I take two minutes to make the bed, so Future Sandy can walk into an orderly bedroom later.

I take one minute and set up the coffee pot, so Future (tired) Sandy can wake up and simply press “start.”

I take ten seconds to rinse off the plate and put it in the dishwasher, so Future Sandy can cook dinner in a clean kitchen.

I take five seconds to lay out clothes for the morning, so Future Sandy doesn’t have to stumble through the dark bedroom and make wardrobe decisions before coffee.

I take two seconds to stop at the recycle bin and drop in the junk mail, so Future Sandy doesn’t have to sort through a giant pile at the end of the week.

Is it mildly inconvenient to complete tasks right away rather than ignore them?

Yep.

But it is much more comfortable than coming face-to-face with the undone task later…and (surprise!) still needing to complete it.

It’ll be there tomorrow, sure. But it will be there on top of all the tasks of tomorrow. Just do it now. #bettermeme

Consider your Future Self, like she’s another person, separate from you.

What would increase her happiness and peace? What would give her that little boost of energy early in the morning? What would set her up for a successful day? What would help her unwind in the evening? What would she be so thankful that you took the time to do instead of leaving it for her?

Do that thing. Be extra kind to her. You never know what your Future Self may be dealing with.

Weekend Links {23} and a life update

Apparently, I’ve been remiss in keeping up with Weekend Links. The last version, Weekend Links {22}, was published in March—of 2017!!!!!!

Ahem.

You may be asking yourself, “What in heaven’s name is Sandy doing with all her time, if not curating for us a weekly list of worthy weekend reading material?????”

And that brings me to the theme of Weekend Links {23} and the answer to that question:

Update on Sandy’s Life:

Well, since my last post, May happened.

When kids are still in school, May is just a whole thing…mostly a blur…I don’t know.

June was a month of extremes.

On the good extreme, Jon and I took advantage of our two youngest kids being at church camp during the same week and flew to New York City to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary a little early. In 21 years of parenting, we have never, ever been away from our kids longer than 3 nights. This is mainly because we don’t live near family, so leaving longer than that involves paying someone a crap-load of money to live at my house for days and cart my children everywhere, or it means farming out kids to various homes. It aways seems like more trouble than it’s worth.

But, alas, 25 years of marriage is worthy of a proper celebration…so we did.  We will celebrate again in October, for our actual anniversary. Because: omg…25 years!

On the bad extreme, my brother Mark died, suddenly, unexpectedly.

This happened days before our NYC trip, so we ended up going on our trip, coming home, and immediately leaving for Ohio for the funeral.

Mark was 12 years older than me, never married, had no kids.

Of the seven kids, he is #3…I’m #7.

Since my dad died last summer, Mark and I texted almost daily.

He was insanely intelligent, musical, opinionated, kind, and hilarious.

I miss him so much.

***

In the midst of all of that, I’ve being speaking and writing a little here and there.

Everything Sandy Has Been Working On:

1. On Mother’s Day, I had the distinct privilege of speaking to our congregation at my church. I have spoken many times at my church (to the women, teaching Wednesday night classes, leading Bible Study, even sharing the stage with several other women on a Sunday morning), but never had my pastor given me the entire sermon to address our congregation on a Sunday morning. It was so fun.

Since it was Mother’s Day, I spoke specifically to all the tired moms and the people who love them (this includes everyone). If you are a tired mom, and you have people in your life who love you, encourage them to listen. You may also want to slip this under your husband’s pillow and play it while he sleeps.

You can listen in here:

How to Breathe Life into a Tired Mom

 

2. A few weeks ago, a freelance writer contacted me regarding a post I wrote back in 2001 (Sam-e For Depression) where I talked about my success in using Sam-e to manage my depression. She called and interviewed me, and then used my story in her article.

You can read her article here:

Everything You Need to Know About Using Sam-e For Depression.

 

3. Last week, I was interviewed by my new friend, Nickilee Gurovich, on The Healthy Happy Mommy Podcast. We talked all about my book, Finding Your Balance, chatted about priorities, gratitude, learning to say ‘no,’ and really zeroed on on Comparison. It was such a fun conversation!

You can listen or watch here:

listen to us on the podcast

watch us on YouTube

 

4. In case you missed this, I wrote a guest post for The Glorious Table about what my daughter Elliana is teaching me about approaching God.

You can read that here:

When We Ask

 

5. And finally, I learned something valuable this month: it takes me approximately 273 hours of focused work to create an online quiz–give or take.

No, seriously.

I love taking online quizzes (I mean, how else would I know what Disney Princess I am?) and so I had this crazy idea that I’d create one for you! Except I sorely misjudged the amount of time it would take to create. I thought maybe a day or two, tops.

Little did I know, creating that darn quiz was all I would do for two weeks straight.

It was so. much. work.

But, it’s finished now!

Yay!

(she says, as she lies breathless and sweaty on the ground…her kids, glassy-eyed…foraging around in the pantry for food…).

If you haven’t taken it yet, you can take it here:

What’s Your Busyness Personality?

 

***

And don’t forget, if you haven’t yet picked up a copy of my book

Finding Your Balance,

you can buy it on

Amazon

for $14.99.

 

Have a peaceful weekend, friends.

Love,

Sandy

When We Ask

My daughter, Elliana, has this amusing habit when she wants something from me. Not just any old something, mind you, but something she thinks I won’t give her. She’ll say with a big heavy sigh, “I wish I could have candy.” Or she’ll drop her head and shoulders and mumble, “I bet you won’t let me watch TV right now.”

She doesn’t actually ask me for anything. She “wishes” for it or “bets me” that I won’t let her have it. Sometimes she doesn’t even say these things directly to me. She says them just loud enough for me to hear them, though.

It tickles me and irritates me at the same time.

I used to ignore her when she’d do this, hoping she’d get the hint to ask for things properly. But she didn’t take the hint. So I started responding to her statements with, “Are you asking me? Or just wishing for it?” She still didn’t take the hint.

Finally, I spoke plainly to her: “If you want a piece of candy, then ask me. Say, ‘Mom, may I please have a piece of candy?’”

***

Today I’m honored to be a guest at The Glorious Table, where I share how God taught me a precious truth through this interaction with my daughter. Please join me there to continue reading.

How Routines Help Us (and Tips for Establishing Them)

I love mornings. This, coming from the girl who used to need to set an alarm to get up at the crack of 10. I have created a well-established morning routine* that has taken me years (!) to tweak and perfect. As my kids grow and seasons of life change, so do some of the details of my morning routine, of course, but the major components are solid. I get up at the same time every school day and perform the exact same activities:

5:10–alarm goes off, press snooze

5:20–alarm goes off again, press snooze 

5:30–alarm goes off again, get up, go into bathroom where I potty (TMI?), drink a big bottle of water, wash my face, brush my teeth, put on a little bit of make-up, and change into workout clothes.

5:45–go into kitchen and make coffee. While coffee brews, I set out breakfast dishes and maybe check the weather.

5:55–sit down in chair with hot coffee to read Bible, journal, and pray

6:35–wake up kids for school

6:40–make breakfast for kids

6:45–yell up the stairs for Elijah to wake up

6:50–Elliana comes down fully dressed with a smile on her face and many, many words to share with her mom (who thankfully, has already consumed coffee and Jesus, so she is eager to listen and respond!) Feed Elliana breakfast and start packing lunches.

6:55–yell up the stairs for Elijah to wake up

7:00–yell up the stairs for Elijah to wake up

7:05–yell up the stairs for Elijah to come downstairs right this minute, or we will be late (Remind myself that someday I will miss this.)

7:10–unload dishwasher and murmur how we are going to be late for school because Elijah has yet to come downstairs. Threaten to leave without him. But then realize that means he will be home with me all day, so decide that is not a viable strategy. 

7:11–Elijah comes downstairs and I tell him (with coffee in my tummy and Jesus in my heart) to eat quickly because we will be late

7:20–leave to take kids to school (we’re not late)

8:00–return home, and spend 30 minutes cleaning up breakfast dishes, wiping down counters, starting a load of laundry, and making bed

*This is my morning routine. I am not you and you are not me. This is what works for me. It probably won’t work for you. Therefore, please, for your own sanity, do not let my routine suck you into the Comparison Trap. You need to determine the things that are important to you and find times that work for you. K? K!

Many items in that morning routine are key for me:

putting on workout clothes

making a healthy breakfast

packing lunches

unloading the dishwasher

starting laundry

making the bed

But the most prominent one is the slot from 5:55 to 6:35: coffee/Bible/journal/prayer.

Since spending time with God every day is my absolute top priority, it makes me feel so well-balanced to do it automatically first thing every single day.

Routines keep priorities at the forefront of our lives.

And yet, I have many other priorities I have not plugged into a regular routine:

  • House-cleaning
  • Meal planning/Grocery shopping
  • Weekly and daily planning
  • blogging/writing
  • Social media posting (for my writing)
  • Exercise

Oh, I do every last one of them, eventually. But I am usually spending an exorbitant amount of creative energy trying to figure out when I will do them. Usually, after I’ve pushed a task to the last possible minute, I cram it in somewhere, just to get it done. (Cramming = I exercised, but only for 15 minutes. I bought groceries, but rushed through the store and spent too much money because I failed to make a list and bring coupons. I cleaned the house, but barely.)

Thus, I often feel frustrated and overwhelmed, like I’m always running behind. Sometimes at the end of the day, I will reflect back over everything I accomplished, but if I failed to complete one of my top priorities that I intended to accomplish, I will feel like I failed the entire day.

I’m not blind. I can clearly look at my days and see I’m accomplishing stuff. But without a routine in place, it often feels like a chase, just beyond my reach, never quite nailing it…and it’s exhausting.

I am learning that my levels of balance flow directly from the routines I have established in my life. I may know my priorities well enough. But if I don’t have a routine in place to live each of those priorities out, I exist in a constant state of imbalance.

So, I’ve decided, for the sake of my balance, I need to take a look my priorities and begin the hard work of establishing routines for each one.

***

Is this whole business of establishing routines foreign to you? I know several people personally who balk at the whole idea. They see routines as rigid and confining. Just yesterday, a free-spirited friend poked fun at me for my love affair with routines. She suggested I stop trying to “plan everything out” and just “be.”

(I don’t even know what the freak that means.)

(If I don’t purposefully make time for things that are important to me, I end up sleeping until 10 and slouching on the couch eating Chocolate Bunny Grahams until the kids get home from school.)

(Ask me how I know this.)

Certainly, some personality types are more attracted to routine than others, but ALL people benefit from establishing routines–even my free-spirit friends. 🙂

A Few Benefits of Establishing Routines:

  • Routines reduce decision fatigue.  The routine puts us on auto pilot and our activities happen without much thought. This frees up our minds to think creatively since we don’t have to “decide” what to do every day.
  • Routines increase productivity. The fact is, we always make progress in the areas we are most consistent.
  • Routines reduce overwhelm from looming projects. For me overwhelm happens when I have a giant task that requires a lot of time, but I don’t know when or where I’ll fit it in. A routine gives it a place in my schedule, so I don’t need to worry when I will work on it.
  • Routines provide inner security: Kendra from Lazy Genius Collective says, “Automatically knowing what we’re doing next is like scaffolding for the soul. If we create routine around what matters most deeply to us, we also create mental and spiritual margin to receive the unexpected – the comedy and tragedy – with more compassion for ourselves and others.”

 

***

Tips for establishing routines:

Start with only one priority. Firmly establish a routine around that one before you move to the next. I know you want to have a regular bed time AND have a date night AND have a regular system for decluttering closets AND do yoga. But if you do it all at the same time, it will be approximately two days before you quit everything and find yourself on the couch next to an empty box of Chocolate Bunny Grahams.

 Start with your top priority. If you aren’t sure what that is, ask yourself these three questions:

What task or activity, when I’ve made time to complete it, makes me feel like a rock star?

At the end of the day, what do I always wish I had made time for?

If I had an hour magically free up, what is the first thing I’d do with that hour?

Start super small.  Like, teeny-tiny baby steps. Make it so small, it would stupid NOT to do it. If you are trying to establish regular Bible-reading time, commit to reading only one verse every morning. If you are trying to establish regular exercise, commit to doing 20 jumping jacks while your coffee brews. As you establish the new habit, add to it, little by little until you get it where you want it. (I’m not exaggerating when I tell you, it’s took me about 10 years to get my morning routine to where I wanted it.)

Pair your new routine with something you already do on a regular basis. We all wake up, go to bed, and eat meals. So, try tacking your new routine onto one of those: “As soon as I wake up, I will read that Bible verse.” “Before I go to bed, I will clean up the kitchen.” “While I eat breakfast, I will write out my schedule for the day.” Pretty soon you will associate your new routine with that activity and you won’t want to do one without the other.

Give yourself lots of time. Routine implies repetition. You will need to do this over and over to make it stick. You didn’t develop that Chocolate Bunny Graham habit in a day…

Extend yourself grace. If something doesn’t work, be willing to toss it and try something new. Once I tried getting up super early and exercising first thing. It was terrible. I wanted to weep through the entire workout. I love exercise, but not at 5 am. For me, Coffee and Jesus Time is the best way to wake up. This is your life and your routine. You can decide if it’s working for you or not.

Sometimes adding a new routine makes way for other routines to naturally follow. I am notorious for feeling like I don’t have enough time, so this point is counter-inuitive to me. I mean, how can adding something to my schedule make way for something ELSE? Here’s how: up until last year, I hosted a weekly Bible study in my home on Thursdays. Out of sheer necessity to have the cat hair off my furniture and food to serve my guests, I started grocery shopping and cleaning my house every Wednesday.  And THAT segued into meal planning and writing out a grocery list every Tuesday evening. Voila! Hosting weekly Bible study = routine of grocery shopping and house cleaning = routine of meal planning!

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Q4U:

How do you feel about routines? Awesome and liberating? Or restrictive and confining? 

Do you have any great routines firmly established?

What area would you love to establish a good routine?

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You may want to read another post I wrote about routines. Establish Routines and Rituals

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Have you picked up your copy of Finding Your Balance yet? It’s an 11-Lesson Bible Study for the overwhelmed and frazzled woman. Perfect for self-study or for a group of friends.

 

First Ask Why: A New Book by My Friend Shelly Wildman

Today I am handing the blog over to my blog-friend-turned-REAL-LIFE-friend-Shelly. Over the last 10 years, Shelly and I have had extensive conversations over email and in person and met up at conferences all over the country, where we shared our mutual love for writing, cooking, parenting, and Jesus.

So, let me tell you, I was not the least bit surprised when Shelly said she got a writing contract for a book. She is a talented writer and passionate mother, and, well, all I can say is it’s about time she wrote a book about parenting!

First Ask Why: Raising Kids to Love God Through Intentional Discipleship, which releases April 24th, is for all parents or grandparents, but especially those with kids in the 2-12 age range. I read the book from cover to cover last week (on the beach, I might add!) and I would recommend it to anyone who wants to disciple their kids with greater intentionality.

Scroll to the end for the link to pre-order!

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Here’s what you need to know about Shelly and her book.

Shelly Wildman is a former writing instructor and holds degrees from Wheaton College (BA) and University of Illinois at Chicago (MA), but her most important life’s work has been raising her three adult daughters. She and her husband, Brian have been married for 32 years and live in Wheaton, IL. Shelly speaks to women’s groups in the Chicago area and spends much of her free time mentoring young women. When she has time, she loves to cook, read, and travel.

Connect with Shelly at her website or on Instagram and Facebook.

 

Q: Writing about parenting can be a powder keg—people have pretty strong opinions about raising kids. Why did you choose to write a parenting book?

Shelly: I kind of feel like I didn’t choose to write a parenting book, but that the book chose me. (Sounds like a scene from Harry Potter, doesn’t it?) I fought writing it for a long time because I knew I wasn’t a perfect parent—I had messed up so many times that I didn’t feel qualified to write this book. I still don’t. But the idea kept nagging at me for so long that I finally felt like God might have been pushing me to do it.

I believe with all my heart that stronger families will make for a stronger society, which is so important today. And I believe that the strongest families are those that have Christ at their center. But so many parents today have lost their focus or their sense of purpose. They spend their time on meaningless, temporal things, when, really, the most important mission field is right in front of them. I’m hoping to encourage parents to look at the bigger picture, to ask why they are doing what they’re doing, and to think critically about God’s purpose for their kids and for their families.

I have three adult daughters now, and my hope is, now that my husband and I have raised them, that they will go out into the world and make a difference. And should they have children someday, that they would also make disciples of their kids. Instilling a Christ-following legacy is important work—I believe it’s THE most important work parents can do—and we’ve got to be intentional about it.

Q: What makes your book different from other parenting books?

Shelly: So many parenting books are “how-to” books. They seem to say, “Just follow these ten steps and here’s what you’ll get in the end.” But I don’t believe we can parent by formula. I think we have to look at our unique family and ask why.

Why are we doing what we’re doing as a family?

Why are we emphasizing these spiritual values? And are there others we should consider?

Why are we even here as a family? What’s our purpose for being put together in this unique combination of individuals?

Asking why gets to the heart of the matter; it exposes our motivations and desires for our family. Asking why leads to intentionality. And asking why helps give our children a sense of purpose as we lead them.

Q: Why do you think some kids, even though they had Christian parents, don’t grow up to follow God? Is there anything Christian parents can do to ensure that their kids will choose to follow Jesus? (I love Shelly’s answer to this question!)

Shelly: This is such a difficult question for me to answer because I honestly don’t know why. I know that parents can do all the right things—have time in God’s word together every day, take their kids to church regularly, pray diligently for their kids—and still have kids who struggle. I don’t believe there are any guarantees in Scripture that our kids will choose to follow Jesus into adulthood.

But I do believe that Scripture commands us to parent with the end goal in mind: having children who know and love the Lord. We are to be diligent in our calling to present our children to God, and we have to trust Him with the outcome. We have to persevere every day to show our kids that following Jesus is the path to true life, even though some days can be downright hard.

Deuteronomy 30:15-20 has been such a guide and encouragement to me as a parent, especially where it says, “I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore, choose life that you and your offspring may live.” We have a choice every day, and it’s our job to show our kids that choosing Christ is the only way to a fulfilling life.

Q: Who do you hope will read this book and what do you hope they will gain?

Shelly: I hope parents with kids of all ages will read this book, but especially parents of younger children. I hope grandparents will read this book. And I hope it sparks lots of discussion between husbands and wives, moms groups, or even small groups in churches.

My hope is that parents will come away from reading this book with a stronger sense of their purpose as parents and that they might gain a couple of new ideas that they can implement in their own family. I also hope people will read the last chapter very carefully and prayerfully. The last chapter of the book is on letting go, and it’s a concept that I think is becoming lost a little bit today. It’s so hard, but it’s so important, even when your children are young, to start thinking about letting go. We’ve got to be parents who demonstrate faith in God’s sovereign work in the lives of our children.

This post contains an affiliate link.

Throwback Thursday: Rapid Weight Gain and Fitness News

This post came up in my Facebook Memories a few days ago. It was perfect timing, because I had just posted a 27-minute Facebook Live disclosing my continuing weight-loss struggles, now eight years later (scroll to the end of this post for that video.)   In 2010, I wrote a weekly Fitness Friday post to chronicle my attempts at losing 15 pounds–15 pounds that came on very rapidly over a 12-week period (and ended up being more like 23 pounds, as I continued to gain EVEN AS I WAS TRYING SO HARD TO LOSE! I wanna go back and hug 2010-Sandy. She was trying sooooo hard. She was also keeping a great sense of humor about it all.

Enjoy this post from The Archives.

Rapid Weight Gain and Fitness News

Original run date: March 26, 2010

Mixed emotions again. I did lose 1 pound this week. I remember when I could pee and blow my nose and be down a pound. Cleary, those days are long gone. Now I’m working out 6 days a week and eating under 1800 calories a day and barely losing anything. Crazy.

I set what I thought was a realistic mini-goal for this date, and missed it by 1.6 pounds. I wanted to start this post with “We are the Champions” playing in the background—lighters lifted high, flickering in the early morning light, hands swaying.

Instead, we’re still dancing to, “I like big butts and I cannot lie.”

I’ve never wanted that to be my theme song. But in this game called “life,” we don’t always get to pick our theme songs, do we. You can quote me on that.

The good news is when I look at my progress over the last 6 weeks, it’s moving in the right direction. V-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y. But at least it’s moving.

Here are the stats thus far since my highest weight (aka, toddler in my butt weight) on 2/10/10:

Weight—lost 5.4 pounds
Bust—lost .5 inches
Waist—lost 1 inch
Hips—same
Butt—lost 1 inch
Right thigh—lost .5 inches
Left thigh—same
I still have 10.6 pounds to reach my goal—the weight I was last year at this time—the weight where all my cutest clothes fit nicely. The weight of a very large newborn. The weight where I recognize my thighs as appendages belonging to my body and not someone else’s. Mixed emotions, I tell you.

Moving on, let’s get to the meat of the post and discuss Fitness News Headlines:

Welsh singer Charlotte Church is eating less and losing weight. She does not exercise. The 23-year-old star recently recorded an interview for UK TV show Friday Night with Jonathan Ross and turned up showing off her slimmer figure in a flattering black dress. Church revealed she has lost two stone since the birth of her son Dexter a year ago.

She said: “I don’t think I’ve ever been this thin. I haven’t exercised, I just don’t eat as much.”

Fitness Friday Girl’s Commentary: I love news from the UK…”she lost two stone.” How much weight is that, exactly? Will someone please interpret for this unsocialized, undereducated American?

Charlotte, you are precious and talented, but, sweetie, this is not news. You are 23 years old. Your metabolism is humming right now, like a well-oiled machine. Enjoy it while it lasts, dear. The day will come when you will work your tushie off to P90X and Jillian Michaels six days a week, counting every single calorie that goes into your mouth…and lose 1 pound. ONE POUND!!!! Mark my words.

***

Speaking of working your tushie off, High School Musical star Vanessa Hudgens went through such an “intense” workout regime for her upcoming movie role that it left her in tears.

The 21-year-old actress wanted to get in shape for her role in action movie Sucker Punch, so she enlisted the help of the US Navy SEALs, a Maritime Special Operations Force, reported People magazine.

“I trained with the Navy SEALs for five months. It was the most intense thing that anyone could ever do. I was bawling my eyes out because they push you so hard. But it’s amazing what you find from it,” said Hudgens.

FFG Commentary: Is this unusual? Crying during a work out, I mean. Where are the cameras when I’m at the gym with Jerry my trainer and he’s forcing me to do walking lunges across the gym floor with 15-pound weights in each hand? And where are the cameras when I go to put on my shorts from last summer and they stop at my aching, burning, but not-getting-any-smaller thighs? You want tears???? I’ll give you tears, missy. YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TEARS!!!!

 

***

And this out of Houston, home of overweight mice: Houston scientists are working on an “exercise pill” that tricks the muscle into thinking it is exercising. So far it has only been tested on mice–fat, lazy mice (I’m not making this up.) It is showing a decrease in muscle mass in these mice, thought they are continuing their lazy mice behavior. Not working out at all.

Of course, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. This pill causes heart problems, kidney problems, and renal problems. Still working the kinks out, I guess. But the way I see it, we could live with major organ malfunction, if it meant we could be fit and never have to exercise again, right? I mean, really…do we really NEED two kidneys?

***

And finally, the attorney for Jamaican reggae star Buju Banton wants his client moved from the Pinellas County jail – for diet concerns.

Banton has been in jail on a drug charge, for selling cocaine to a paid informant, since December. The motion says he’s lost 40 pounds and was not given a diet in accordance with his religious views. He’s a Rastafarian, a religion that places importance on a vegetable- and fruit-based diet.

FFG Commentary: Ummm…Buju, aren’t you in jail for an illegal drug charge? You may have a credibility issue with the whole “it’s against my religion to put bad things in my body” argument. Know what I’m sayin’?

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That’s it for news and for this edition of Throwback Thursday. If you’d like to see that Facebook Live where I talk candidly about struggling to lose 15 pounds, why I even care, and what I’m doing to keep a healthy view about my body, you can see it here.  Have a great weekend and a Happy Easter. 🙂

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10 Years of Blogging–What?????

March 4th marked the 10th birthday of my blog. I tend to wax all nostalgic on birthdays and anniversaries, so I thought maybe you’d like to take a stroll down memory lane with me, beginning with my blog’s birth story. (Every proud momma likes to share the birth story, right?)

The Blog Birthing Story

It was the morning of March 4th, 2008. I had adopted our 4th child, a toddler, only two months prior. Due to her erratic sleep schedule and the need to acclimate our new baby into our family, I was mostly house-bound. Because of the adoption, I was taking a break from the weekly Bible study I led in my home (a “break” that sadly became permanent, as we never could re-coordinate our schedules to make it work), and I was desperately seeking an outlet to write, teach, and connect with other women.

In 2008, blogs were new-ish. I only read one faithfully–Lysa Terkeurst, who is now an internationally sought-after speaker and NYT Best-Selling Author. But, in 2008, Lysa was a mom with children at home and a growing ministry called Proverbs 31.

Every day at 8 am, after I got my little ones off to school, I’d put my baby into the high chair for breakfast, sip my coffee, and log onto my laptop to read Lysa’s funny and encouraging posts. I looked forward to it every morning.

One day while reading, I said to myself, “I could totally do this.”

At the time, I was up to my eye-balls in studying the concept of hearing God’s voice. So, I decided that would be the focus of my blog. All the cool “hearing God’s voice” blog titles were taken, so I settled on a title I sorta hated: “God Speaks Today.”

Within about an hour, I created my new blog on Blogspot, wrote an introductory post, and hit “publish.” Then I sent an email to all my real-life friends telling them I started a blog and asked them to come read my one post.

And just like that, a blog was born.

Later that day, I asked Jon, my husband, what he thought about me starting a blog. He said, “It’s fine as long as it doesn’t stress you out.”

He knows me so well.

 

What’s Changed in the Last 10 Years

2008:

Blogs were online journals (thus, the name “Web Log” aka “blog.”) Most bloggers posted daily or several times per week. We shared the everydayness of life. We mused. We rambled. We posted horrible, tiny, grainy photos, many of which we lifted off  “google images” without any thought to copyright. We treated blogs the way people now treat Facebook and Instagram. (I sound a lot like my dad when he used to talk about the price of bread and gasoline during The Great Depression.)

Readers left comments–blogs were very community oriented.

Bloggers all read each other’s blogs. We all became fast friends. Finding new blogs and leaving comments was a daily practice for me.

Social media was barely a thing. I had no social media accounts and swore I never would.

The iPhone had just been released, but I didn’t know anyone who owned one.

I had dial-up internet and a landline.

I was saying goodbye to my 30s (and also my toned thighs and wrinkle-free face), and looking ahead to my 40s.

I had 3 children at home, ages 1, 6, and almost 9. I had been married almost 15 years.

I had big aspirations of quickly growing my blog and publishing many books. I naively thought the publishers would line up and fight over me. (I wish I were kidding about that.)

 

2018:

Blogs are now more of a professional writing space. Most bloggers only post weekly or less. Instead of blogs, writers post their everydayness on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter. Many bloggers who started in 2008 have abandoned their blogs and disappeared. Others have gone on to publish books, host podcasts, release online courses, and start businesses. I am one of those few blogs who falls somewhere in between.

Everyone has a smartphone and is, thusly, glued to their smartphone. People read everything on their smartphone.

Readers rarely leave comments. Bloggers do not have time to read anyone else’s blogs because the online noise has reached unprecedented levels.

In 2010, I started AND ended a second blog (The Amazing Adventures of Fitness Friday Girl). In 2012, I redesigned and renamed my blog from God Speaks Today to The Scoop on Balance so I could write about everything. I  also moved from Blogger to WordPress.

I am saying goodbye to my 40s and looking ahead to my 50s. I do not recognize my legs or the middle-aged woman who looks back at my face in the mirror.

My children are 11, 16, and almost-19. My oldest child moved out last Fall. I will be married 25 years in October.

In the last 10 years, I have realized parenting and marriage is so much harder and requires so much more of my time and energy than I ever dreamed. Therefore, blog-growing and book-publishing has mostly taken a back seat. During the last several years, I stopped trying to win the affection of publishing houses and instead purposed to be quietly and privately faithful to what God has placed in my hand–namely, my children, my marriage, and the women in my community.

I have taken several extended blog breaks–one lasting 6 months–to regroup and reassess the value and viability of blogging.

Some of my original readers from that very first post still read my blog. I am still in touch with many of my blog friends from the early days. I have met several of them in person.

I write in a few different venues now: this blog of course, my Facebook page, a local church newsletter, and my private journal.  I wrote a 31-day fitness series that became my first e-book. I wrote a popular blog series that grew into a Bible study, and eventually became my first self-published book called Finding Your Balance (released September 2017). I’m really, really proud of that book. Like, super-duper proud. 🙂

I just checked and the traditional publishers are not yet lining up at my front door. *sigh* But I’m okay with that. Moving forward, I’d love to find a literary agent to represent me. I’d love to start a podcast. I’d love to do a lot of things I don’t really have time to do. #balance

 

What I’ve learned:

  1. For a writer, blogging is about the best thing going to provide an ongoing worldwide (!) platform to get a message to people. It’s miraculous, really.
  2. I’m thankful for the early days when only 25 people were reading. I said some stupid things back then, was too sarcastic and was too in-your-face. Writing daily for a small audience helped me to find my writing voice and learn to filter my opinions. I’m kinder now, I have a stronger filter, and that’s a good thing.
  3. Be very careful how quickly and haphazardly I slap something up on the Internet. I never know when it will suddenly go viral. And most likely, it will not represent my best writing. Awesome. (See stats below for proof)
  4. Speaking of viral posts, people on the Internet can be very mean. Moderated comments are a beautiful thing and provide a way to protect my online space from negativity and hate. (If you leave a mean comment, it will never see the light of day around here.)  (You can disagree with me. You just need to say it respectfully, is all.)
  5. The regular readers of my blog are the kindest, most encouraging people on the Internet. And I mean that.
  6. I need to write every post like it’s someone’s first impression of me–because for many people, it is.
  7. Always ask the question, “Does this add value?” If not, don’t publish it.
  8. Guard my children’s privacy–they grow up and read the blog. And so do their friends.
  9. Every time I think I’m done with blogging, I walk away, realize can’t live without it, and come running back. (There’s a country song in there somewhere.)

The Scoop on Balance Trivia

I love looking back at my stats and seeing what struck a chord. It’s never what I think, which is so funny to me. I only have blog stats that go back to 2012 when I switched from Blogspot to WordPress. Nonetheless, here are a few fun facts.

Number of posts written: 805 (Actually, there have been more than this, but I’ve deleted most of the bad ones.)

Number of approved comments on the blog: 7046

Number of comments caught by my spam filter: 572,155

Top Referrer: Facebook, by a LONG shot. Well-over 1 million people have come over from Facebook alone. This also explains my complicated relationship with Facebook–I can’t quit you.

Top 5 Posts of all Time:

    1. What to Do When Someone Is Mean to Your Child  This one wins by a landslide. This post went viral (mostly on Facebook) and continues to be my most-viewed post EVERY SINGLE DAY, 3 years later!
    2. More on Mean Kids  This was the follow up to the first mean kids post, where I respond to many of the issues addressed in the hundreds of comments.
    3. Recipe: Balsamic Vinaigrette  I think this one gets traction from Pinterest. All I know is my top 3 most viewed posts have nothing to do with “balance” or “hearing God’s voice.” I don’t know.
    4. I Want to Adopt But My Husband Does Not, What Should I Do?  This one is part of a series on I wrote on adoption. I love this series so much because adoption is about my favorite thing in the world. I’ve had the honor of praying for many mommas who reach out to me after reading this post.
    5. Fitness Friday: P90X3, The First 30 Days (A Preliminary Review) I don’t know what to make of this, except that a lot of people want to know if P90X3 is a good workout. (the answer is yes) Also, notice the variety in subject matters thus far–apparently, I have not found my blogging niche.

Top Google Searches that Lead to My Blog, in order (some make sense, others do not) 

scoop on balance/the scoop on balance
peanut butter power balls (this is a good recipe!)
what to do when someone is mean to your child
p90x2 results women
i want to adopt but my husband doesn’t
paul ryan shirtless (If this is wrong, I don’t want to be right)
mean kids
society’s image of perfection
god speaks through people
90 s gx jeans (I don’t even know what this means or why it leads to my blog)
god places people in our lives
michelle obama flexing (I covet her arms, that’s why)
hot wife (obviously)
p90x2
interesting facts about flax (I’m sorry, why again aren’t the publishers chasing me down!?!)

Whether you’ve been here for 10 years or 1 day…Thank you for showing up! You are the reason I keep coming back. I love writing for you. Here’s to 10 more years.

 

For my blog-birthday, I’d love to hear in the comments how you found my blog and how long you’ve been reading. Are any of you here from the early days? Who remembers The Amazing Adventures of Fitness Friday Girl? 

 

 

Recipe: Tuscan Potato, Spinach (or Kale), and Sausage Soup

A few weeks ago, I had the Bible Study Babes to my house for lunch, and I served this soup. They all asked for the recipe. And when I didn’t send it in a timely manner, they hunted me down like a dawg.

Even though it has a long, fancy name, we’ve decided to rename it: Life-Changing Soup. Yes, it’s that good.

If you are a local gal and receive my women’s ministry newsletter, you already got this. Today I publish the recipe for the rest of the planet.

You’re welcome.

This recipe comes compliments of The Everything Mediterranean Slow Cooker Cook Book, and is a copy-cat recipe of a soup served at The Olive Garden. But since it requires a lot of stovetop cooking on the front end, I just finished it on the stove instead of the slow cooker. Turns out, it took only 35 minutes cooking time, from start to finish. So, even though I love my slow cooker, I wouldn’t bother for this recipe, as the only ingredients that actually “slow cook” here are the potatoes.

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Recipe: Tuscan Potato, Spinach (or Kale), and Sausage Soup
Author: 
Recipe type: Soup
Cuisine: Lunch or Dinner
Prep time: 
Cook time: 
Total time: 
Serves: 6
 
Ingredients
  • 1 tablespoon olive oil
  • 3 slices bacon, diced (I like to cut mine with kitchen shears)
  • 1 pound italian sausage, cut into bite-sized pieces (I used smoked sausage which added GREAT flavor)
  • 1 medium onion, peeled and chopped
  • 2 cloves garlic, minced
  • 3 tablespoons white wine (optional, but recommended)
  • 2 large russet potatoes, peeled and diced (unpeeled red potatoes would be lovely, also)
  • 4 cups chicken broth (if you have homemade, use it here!)
  • ¼ teaspoon red pepper flakes
  • ½ teaspoon sea salt
  • ½ teaspoon ground black pepper
  • 2 cups chopped, fresh spinach or baby kale (I used spinach)
  • 1 cup heavy cream (I used a combo of half-n-half and whole milk)
Instructions
  1. In a large pot or dutch oven, heat olive oil over medium-high heat and cook bacon and sausage until crisp and fat has been rendered, about 5 minutes. Mmmmm....bacon.
  2. Remove the bacon and sausage with a slotted spoon and set aside on paper towels to drain.
  3. Saute the onion in the fat until softened, about 3-5 minutes.
  4. Add the garlic and sauté until fragrant, about a minute. (Seriously, can we have a moment of silence for the aroma of onion and garlic cooking in bacon fat?)
  5. Deglaze the pan with the wine, or if you don't have wine on hand, with a little bit of the chicken broth. Scrape the pan and remove all the delicious brown bits from the bottom.
  6. Add all the broth, potatoes, pepper flakes, salt, pepper, and meat into the pan and stir. Bring to a boil.
  7. Reduce heat to simmer and cover. Cook until potatoes are soft and pierce easily with a fork, about 15 minutes, stirring occasionally.
  8. Stir in the spinach or kale and cook until tender, just a few minutes.
  9. Stir in cream and heat through.
  10. Serve immediately with a fresh green salad and some crusty bread.

Shop your pantry items for this recipe!

Pacific Foods Organic Free Range Chicken Broth, 8-Ounce Cartons, 24-PackPalermo First Cold Pressed Extra Virgin Olive Oil, 16 oz.Red Pepper Flakes TinThe Spice Lab Pink Himalayan Salt – 1 Kilo Coarse – Pure Gourmet Crystals – Nutrient and Mineral Fortified for Health – Kosher and Natural CertifiedMcCormick Peppercorn Medley Grinder, 0.85 oz

These are affiliate links. If you click on one and buy something, I get a small percentage of the price, without any additional cost to you. This helps me pay for the cost of running this blog. 🙂

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