Maintaining a Well-Balanced Mind, Part 2: Help for Those Who Struggle Keeping a Gratitude Journal

The foundation of a peaceful, well-balanced mind is the discipline of gratitude. I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

Everyone from the Apostle Paul to Oprah Winfrey admonishes us to be thankful. Google the words “gratitude journal” and you will find over 6,000,000 results, ranging from actual journals that say “Gratitude” on the cover, to gratitude apps for your smart phone, to psychological studies linking gratitude journals to happiness.

Gratitude journals are insanely popular because they are an effective way to practice the discipline of thankfulness.

And that is why it frustrates me to no end that I STINK at keeping a gratitude journal. Oh, I journal daily, mind you. I write about my day, my goals, my prayers, my struggles. It’s the literal Gratitude Journal I can’t keep.

It’s not for lack of effort. I’ve tried keeping one special journal that’s solely devoted to gratitude. I’ve tried writing three things a day at the beginning of my journal-journal. I’ve tried keeping my journal-journal open and on the counter, so I can write things every time I walk by.

Nothing stuck.

I’ve tried buying a Gratitude Journal for our entire family, which sat in the center of our table with a pen attached for a whole year. One year, I tried keeping a “Gratitude Jar” where I asked my family to jot down what they were thankful for on little slips of paper, with the intention of reading them all each Thanksgiving.

While amusing, it wasn’t the sentiment I was going for.

Even in my own journal, I couldn’t quite figure it out. Like most people, I’d ask myself, “What am I thankful for?” And then I’d make a list:

Jesus
Jon
The kids
My home
Coffee

And the next day.

Jon
Kids
Coffee
Jesus
Home

And the next.

Coffee
Jesus
Coffee

Then I thought it would be better if I went into into more detail:

Jesus saving me and giving me peace
A faithful, loving husband who provides for our family
Rebekah’s wit, Elijah’s enthusiasm, Elliana’s joy
My beautiful, comfortable, warm house
Morning Coffee
Afternoon Coffee
Coffee with cream

That is okay, I guess. But, seriously, how many times can I write the exact same things? And why does “coffee” appear in my gratitude journal more than people? I am beyond thankful for so many things. I enjoy writing, and I love words. So, why can’t I consistently capture the things for which I am thankful in a way that accurately reflects my heart?

After much analysis as to why Operation Gratitude Journal fails to stay afloat, I’ve concluded that I have been asking the wrong question.

Instead of “What am I thankful for?” I decided to start asking, “What do I want to remember, forever and ever, about yesterday?”

And this one change has completely transformed how I frame and capture moments of gratitude.

For example,

When I ask: “What am I thankful for?”
I write: “My kids.”

When I ask: “What do I want to remember, forever and ever, about yesterday?”
I write: “I walked out of the house to find all three of my kids laughing and playing in the sprinklers and hoses on the trampoline in the summer sun. At ages 16, 13 and 8, those days of them playing together are few. I don’t want to forget this.”

When I ask: “What am I thankful for?”
I write: “My husband.”

When I ask: “What do I want to remember, forever and ever, about yesterday?”
I write: “Last night Jon and I had a quiet dinner alone on the back porch. We enjoyed a glass of wine and he told me all about a situation at work. I love when he opens up to me. We saw three baby deer come out of the woods and we watched the yellow finches gather around the new birdfeeders he hung last weekend.”

I don’t know why this one simple change has caused such a profound change, but it has. Before I launch into my daily journal-writing, recounting my struggles and prayers and all the things that went wrong and all the things I want to work on, it helps me FIRST to reflect and focus on all the things that went right. I still process the things that went poorly and I strategize on ways to improve those things (that’s how I grow). But even on (especially on!) long, hard days, it forces me to isolate a few good things–an act of kindness, a feeling of contentment, a delicious meal–and say to myself, “Of all the mess and stress of yesterday, I’m choosing to remember THIS thing, forever and ever.”

Maybe simply listing the things for which you are thankful works well for you. And if it does, rock on. But if you are like me and have struggled getting past a list of the same five things, maybe you can try asking a different question. And see if that one small change makes a big difference in your levels of peace and joy concerning yesterday.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Colossians 3:15

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This is part of an ongoing series called Depth Through Discipline. For all the posts in this series, click here.

You may also enjoy this post: Six Ways to Maintain a Well-Balanced Mind.