Can we talk for a minute?
I sorta kinda feel like I need to explain something. Based on your thoughtful, heart-felt comments and behind the scenes e-mails, I have a feeling some of you may be misunderstanding the purpose of the last few posts (particularly Day 26 –when I whined about my weight, and Day 27 –when I groaned about a reader unsubscribing.) Maybe some of you are even thinking my blog has taken an unusual direction and may not return to its regular programming. That’s not true.
As you know, I am in a blog series: 30 Days of Hearing God. Maybe some of you haven’t read it from the beginning, or maybe you just missed what this series is all about. But, it’s important to realize I have a distinct goal in each and every post. So, in case you missed it or you just forgot, I’ll just reprint what I wrote in the intro:
“For the next 30 days, I will post daily about how God is speaking to me, what He is saying and what it sounds like. I’ll give you the good, the bad and the ugly (within reason). I’ll invite you into my private times with God (uh…again, within reason) and show you what I do to prepare my heart and my mind to receive Him.
If the next 30 days are typical, then I’m sure there will be days of silence, confusion and doubt. I’ll post about that, too. But there will also be days of clarity–days where God speaks directly to my heart. Maybe through His word, maybe through another person, maybe through a song or a sunset. But I’m confident, I will hear God’s voice.”
As you can see, I knew this series would be challenging. Not because of the pressure to hear God’s voice every day. But because I knew it would mean revealing what is on my heart TODAY so I can tell you how God is speaking to me TODAY.
That’s a lot harder than it looks.
I gotta be honest here…I have not told you half of what God and I are discussing. There are days I sit at my computer thinking, “I have no content for today’s post because no person in her right mind would publish these thoughts on the internet.” Dude, I’ve got all kinds of junk going on in my head and my heart, that, quite frankly, I will not share on my blog. Not today. Not ever. Other things may show up later after I have some clarity or closure and can formulate it into a post that will be meaningful to you.
So, back to days 26 and 27. I realize on those days, I was not in the best frame of mind. Trust me, I walk around with my brain all day long. I’m well aware of how disgusting it can be up there. I know those posts won’t win me “Most Joyful Blog Among Us-2010.” But please understand, I was not sharing all of that because I felt the need to process it, disclose it, or vent about it. I was not seeking affirmation or approval from you—as wonderful and encouraging that has been.
I was simply (?) attempting to reveal something from my private prayer time—something that wasn’t so intimate that it would make you blush–so I could demonstrate how God responded to me.
And respond He did.
Which was the point of those posts. God’s voice…not mine. God’s heart…not mine.
If you get anything from those posts—or from my entire blog, for that matter—I pray it is this:
God loves you and receives you exactly where you are, in all your ugliness and bad attitudes. Times when you completely forget all the promises He’s made. Times when you choose to focus on the temporal instead of the eternal. Times when you snap at your husband, yell at your kids, lock yourself in the bathroom and cry over something incredibly petty. Yes, even then.
No, especially then.
God wants to save us from ourselves and conform us to His image. And so, when He finds us bawling on the proverbial toilet of life, He picks us up, wipes our tears, holds us closely and speaks the Truth in love. Then, and only then, do we learn and change and grow.
And a few of us crazies choose to blog about it.
Isn’t that wonderful news? The God part, not the blogging part.
Guys, I need Jesus every. single. day. Without Him, I am nothing. And whether you realize it or not, the same is true for you. That’s it. That’s the bottom line. That’s the whole reason I posted all my crud a few days ago and that’s the reason I will continue to post my crud—again, within reason.
Now, come over here and let’s have a great big group hug.