Best of 2010: The Craziness That is My Brain

Original run date: April 23, 2010

Remember my rapid weight gain? The 12-ish (now 18-ish!) pounds I gained over a few week’s time in the fall that continues to cling to my butt and thighs like a frightened toddler? And remember how after going to my gynecologist and a nutritionist, I went to yet another doctor last week to see if anything funky was going on with me?

Well, blood tests reveal nothing funky with me whatsoever. It’s official: I’m healthy.

I should be really happy about that. And I am. Health is a gift and I do not take that for granted. I’ve worked really hard to maintain my health and be a good steward of this body God has given me, because, as it turns out, this is the only body I get.

But part of me (the fat part) wants to have a physical reason beyond my control for my stubborn weight. Something to blame so I don’t have to give up ice cream. Or spend even more time on the elliptical. Or lift heavier weights. Or try harder.

Waaaaaa! I want my mommy.

So, now I must decide what, if anything, I should do about my lingering 12-ish (18-ish!) pounds. My thoughts fluctuate hourly. Sometimes minutely (minutely?). My logical and analytical brain sways to and fro, trying to properly balance and place these 12 (18!!!!) little annoying friends of mine.

Here is a peek inside my brain to see what I mean (parents, shield the eyes of your little ones…it’s scary in there!)

Hour One: Slowing metabolism is a normal part of aging. For the love of all that is right and good, why can’t we just give each other permission to age gracefully without putting so much pressure on ourselves and one another to fight it? Aging is beautiful. It’s natural. It’s God’s design.

Hour Two: I need potatoes for dinner…I’ll grab this 5 pound bag right here. Oh my word. The weight I gained is more than double the amount of this bag of potatoes, and every bit as lumpy! That’s it, I’m exercising until every last lump is gone. And I am only buying fruits and veggies while I’m here. Salad for dinner. And breakfast. And lunch. No dressing.

Hour Three: You know, I look cute today. I love the way these clothes look on me. If I just stop trying to squeeze into skinny clothes, and instead wear clothes that actually flatter my figure, it’s not too bad. I actually look great.

Hour Four: Oh crap! I can’t get these shorts buttoned from last summer! And these were my FAT shorts!! Party’s over, people. TO THE GYM WITH YOU, CHUBBY ONE!

Hour Five: Is 12 (18?!?) pounds really that big of a deal? It’s just a number on the scale, right? It’s bondage, I tell you. If I just concentrate on my health and stop worrying how much I weigh, I’ll stay well-balanced and focused on the right things.

Hour Six: Sure, it’s just a number, but 12-ish pounds a year adds up quickly. Let it go, and in just 4 years I will be 50 pounds overweight. That’s exactly how it happens. It’s much easier and healthier to keep weight off than to try to lose it. Besides excess weight is terrible for me—increasing my risk of all kinds of diseases and adverse health conditions.

Hour Seven: Mmmmmm….ice cream.

Hour Eight: I’m such a fool! Why did I waste 500 calories on ice cream? Think of how many times I’ll have to listen to that dumb recording of Hearing God in the Midst of Chaos to burn this off. So NOT worth it.

Hour Nine: Ya know, I look pretty good for a 41-year-old mother of four. Hott. With two “t’s.” Phat. With a “PH.”

Hour Ten: EEEEEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Look at how fat my legs are in this picture from vacation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FAT with an “F”!!!! FAT with an “F”!!!!!

Hour Eleven: Getting this weight off will be too hard. I’ve already tried for the last few months and it’s just not budging. I don’t want to try harder. If after all I do to stay in shape, my body remains this weight, then this weight I shall be.

Hour Twelve: I can do anything I set my mind to do. God’s strength in me is more powerful than the temptation to eat too much or move too little. Since when is it OK to let my fleshly desires dictate how I live? Everything in life worth anything is difficult. Raising godly kids is difficult. Having a great marriage is difficult. Loving people is difficult. Who cares if it is difficult? Stop your whining, Sandy, and do the hard work to get this done.

Which is exactly where I am right now. I am going to get off this computer and have a killer work out. I am going to eat healthy whole foods in proper portion sizes. I am going to get up tomorrow and do it all again. And the next day. And the next day. Until one-by-one all 12 of my little friends melt away into oblivion.

I better go before I change my mind.