1. Sandy,
    Thanks for doing this. You are soooo in tune with my needs and you don't even know me!

    I am a perfectionist, probably more of a social one, but I see myself in the other two catagories as well.

    I have come to understand that part of my weight problem is from perfectionism. If I can't be my ideal weight (which is crazy unrealistic) then I might as well not try. I am struggling right now to tell myself that success is more than a number on the scale.

    Thanks again. I eagerly await each error free post!!

  2. I am a socially prescribed perfectionist. I believe others require me to be perfect in order to accept me. And I often beat myself up at the end of the day because I feel I was not the best mom and ask for God's mercy and grace the next day and beg Him not to let my kid be screwed up becuase of something I did or didn't do right.

    I think that people expect me to be a certain way. I am supposed to always have it together. My house is supposed to always be in order — and I have anxiety each time I leave dishes in the sink as my dad mentioned to me that he didn't understand why i was so disorganized that I would have dirty dishes in my sink. He didn't mean it in a bad way. He just wants to make sure that no one else notices my deficiencies. Just looking out for me.

    I don't share my problems with people. It's a sign of weakness. And well if I have problems then I'm not perfect. Although I find that sharing some of my struggles makes me so much more relatable and approachable.

    If I can't do something perfect, then I don't do it at all. If I can't exercise in a way that is consistent and optimal, I just won't exercise at all. So, I now bought a treadmill so that I can exercise optimally. If I can't eat healthy all the time and fall off the wagon once, I am doomed to failure so I just eat whatever I feel like it.

    I can vascilate between the extremes. But if I choose the "just won't do it" route then I feel defeated because I believe it's a cop out and really should be trying harder.

    Mind you, this is all quite subtle. I don't even recognize it most of the time. I can't stand it when people don't use your, you're or their, there or they're correctly. I mean, it's like nails on a chalkboard. I keep it to myself many time as I don't want to offend the person. That is until they do it chronically and then I feel the urge to politely correct them.

    I find myself trying to figure out my mistakes so I can learn and not make the same mistakes over again. Maybe some how if I do it right, THEN, I will be lovable etc. I think deep down inside that's how I feel.

  3. I may have a touch of the perfectionism (category #3 – the social one).
    However I believe I have made progress in the past few years by embracing two words when it comes to how I think others perceive me: "Who cares?"
    I'm not being flippant. Sometimes it really helps me to just say, "Who cares?" aloud or in my head when I wrestle with trying to MANIPULATE what others think of me.
    It's freeing. I'm not totally free but close.

  4. Before I forget…So what do you think about these AI judges? I went to lunch wtih my friend on Saturday and boy did she have a lot to say. Do you think Jennifer should really embrace her Diva status and judge as a Diva versus as really trying to be this nicey nice person who can't say anything bad to anyone — although people who work for her say that she can tell it as it is? Mind you, I like JLo. I prefer her as an actress and not so much as a singer; unless she's singing as Selena.

    I also don't get this teeny bopper thing. Are they looking for the next Justin Beiber? Replacing Hannah Montana?

    I must admit that some of those kids can really sing. But then there are those "feel good" stories but the people can't sing. Mind you, they can probably sing better than me, but they don't deserve to be on AI. I mean, really. Just because you have an "underdog" story does't mean you are the next pop star.

  5. I was raised #3, hence became #1, therefore expect #2. Oy!!!!

    Excessive use of Facebook has forced me to challenge myself to read past the your/you're types of grammatical errors. Otherwise, I would be friendless 🙂

  6. Lori and Melanie…I responded to you via e-mail. But I just wanted you both to know publicly that I admire your ability to recognize your struggle and have the ability to move through it.

    Ana…"I find myself trying to figure out my mistakes so I can learn and not make the same mistakes over again. Maybe some how if I do it right, THEN, I will be lovable etc." I can totally relate to this. Don't worry, friend. We are going to get to the root of this. 🙂

    Now, about American Idol. So far, I'm really liking the judges. I think Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez really know their stuff and are great at picking up on raw talent. I think Jennifer was a softie at first, but she's getting tougher as the weeks go on, don't you think? The weak-voiced people that made it through because of their sob stories will get eliminated during Hollywood week. They always put through a few people who aren't very good. The only thing that's driving me crazy is Steven Tyler's high-pitched screech. Does he have to do it multiple times EVERY show????

    Sharon…your facebook comment is so true. As a freelance editor, I have a terrible time not editing people's stuff. It really bothers me in blog posts, though…where it's like PUBLISHED.

    On that note, I don't really proofread my comments on my blog, so sorry for the typos.

  7. Sharond's comment cracked me up!!! Only because I see so much of myself.

    I am a #1… all the way. I realize all the stress I have is because I've put it there. 100%. And the first step to solving a problem is admitting that you have one. So yaay! Step 1 completed successfully.

    I am all ten things. I hate all my typos but I always have them. Probably from the incredible amount of multi-tasking I do. all.the.time.

    Stopped by to say I miss you and then got tapped on the shoulder here. 🙂

  8. I guess what I've learned about myself in the last couple of years is that 1. I don't want to be a burden to others and 2. I prefer to do something only if I know I can do it well. Prior to a few years ago I would never define myself as a perfectionist but I see now there are different forms to it. I still struggle to believe that I do care what others think of my actions, I would still argue that I only hold up standards for myself but I'm not so sure.

  9. I love your blog but really need this series. I've come a long way, but still have far to go!!

    I totally quoted your/his list and linked you from my blog!!

    The first step is admittng you have a problem…

  10. I am late to this conversation and perhaps the only male commenter. I am a self, other and socially oriented perfectionist who has at various times revealed myself in all three ways you mentioned. I have also manifested every single one of Dr. Flett's top ten signs at some point in my life. The most devastating outcomes for me have been debilitating procrastination (can't do it if it ain't perfect) and addiction (self medicate to deal with the constant anxiety and stress). I've been in Christ-centered recovery programs for over seven years now. The support and accountability I have received through my small groups has been the most effective tool in dealing with these issues. Finding true Christian community has also been key for me. Unfortunately, I find little of it in churches. For me, Fourth Day communities (Tres Dias, Walk to Emmaus, Cursillo) have been a literal Godsend.

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