1. 1. I don't think I am naturally a perfectionist. I am not overly organized although I thrive in structured environments. I have a job that requires me to be meticulous but I allow myself a little room for reasonable error. I am okay with rounding off and estimating. I also do not make lists and mark them off. I would not consider myself like Bree from Desperate Housewives.

    2. My parents have unspoken high expectations of me. Well, maybe they are not "unspoken"; they have certainly been communicated. Being immigrants, themselves, they have had to work very hard and have always had the desire for their children's success. And at times, they might attribute our "failures" to certain short comings.

    My parents certainly were not "Tiger" parents. Although my oldest sister has always had very high expectations of me. And I still dread her visiting my house as I know she will INSPECT, JUDGE, and CRITICIZE. Just like she did when we were kids and our rooms, the house etc were not in perfect order.

    3. I was indoctrinated early in the theology that if you obeyed then you were under the umbrella of protection and nothing bad would happen to you. If you stepped out from under that umbrella, it's fair game. I don't think that lines up with Job who was a righteous man nor with Elizabeth being barren and blameless. But….it did create a psychology that if I wanted to be blessed and protected and let's face it, God's grace, I needed to "earn" it.

    I do find now that I "fear" judgement when I don't feel I measure up. I do feel "anxiety" or "dread" at certain events where I think that I will be judged for not being the perfect guest, hostess, parent etc.

    So I do "fear" judgement and lack of acceptability.

    A lot of it comes down to feeling judged and not good enough. And if something doesn't work out for whatever reason, it usually has something to do with me.

    Let's put it this way. You will not catch me in a cute bathing suit until I lose 20 lbs. You will not see a picture posted of me that has not been authorized by me and a good picture (my picture on my ID badge at work was taken 10 times before I approved); my driver's license was taken 2 times before it received approval.

    If you came over to my house today, I would apologize for the mess (which is subject to interpretation).

    I've considered selling my house and downgrading to a townhouse because I cannot maintain my house to my standards.

    And I didn't see American Idol this week. Did I miss anything good?

  2. Oh… yes. Oh so much of my perfectionism is the fear… and alot of it is pride… and YES oh do I HATE to admit that… it lurks at my every corner… and when I think I'm getting away from it… it's there EVEN stronger. Thank you Sandy. Reading this is challenging, comforting, and empowering. Love, jenny

  3. I have worked for years and even some more with a fantastic counselor last year . . . to be more comfortable being emotionally honest with those I love the most.(My family was very comfortable with positive emotions, but not negative emotions.) I really have to think about this . . . and read your post several times and process this . . . is any of this
    perfectionism. Thinking . . .


  4. Ohhh definitely temperament and I guess I must admit pride too. Hard to swallow this stuff. But praise God, He did create me with a unique temperatment and personality that is intended for good. So there is no condemnation in what I'm discovering about myself every day.

  5. Sandy,
    I had both of the games growing up and no one could beat me. I was the master!!!

    I saw myself in all of the areas. For instance, in the 7th grade I had all A's on my report card, except for an A- in science – always my weakest subject. My mother's only comment was "Why did you get an A- in science?" Clearly, it made the impression since I now remember it lo these many years later.

  6. i called my mom after reading this "were either you or daddy critical of us growing up?"

    she laughed "are you serious? why did you throw your cleats at your dad and storm off the soccer field if not for critism?"

    the convo then branched into a family tree discussion about how they were better than their parents but still not what they ought to have been.

    all of that because the remodel job at my house isn't going to suit me and I visited the "stuff christians like" blog for a laugh.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.