Practically Speaking: Extraordinary Truth for Ordinary Days, Part Two

“Don’t worry. God sees you through the blood. Not as you are, but as who He created you to be.”

I know, I know. Those are supposed to be ordinary words of comfort. Something nice Christians say to assure us that God looks past our failures and sees our future. Looks beyond our past and sees His promise.

Why, then couldn’t I hear it that way? Why, then, did I squirm every time those words were spoken to me?

Maybe I’m a product of poor teaching. Or maybe I just messed up this little nugget of truth all on my own. But for years this is how my mind translated those types of “comforting” phrases:

“God doesn’t see you for who you are because you, Sandy, are a train wreck. God can’t stand ungodliness and imperfection; therefore, He cannot stand you. Loves you, but doesn’t like you. See, the only way He can tolerate the sight of you is to cover you with perfection—his blood. That’s right. Blood-stained glasses. He’s gotta wear ‘em when He looks at you, sister. God doesn’t like the “you” you are today, at all. Never has, never will. He does, however, like the “you” He intended for you to be—so maybe someday He will like you. But not so much today.”

What fun it must be to live with my brain!

I suppose most of my life I’ve battled with the insecurity that I didn’t quite measure up (ya think?). Not quite pretty enough. Not quite smart enough. Not quite talented enough. Seems fate found a way to place me under the care and direction of many perfectionists in my formative years. Loving, caring, well-meaning perfectionists. But perfectionists, nonetheless.

(Perfectionism breeds insecurity, by the way. And more perfectionism.)

And then I had just enough people in my life to reinforce my insecurities and cement them securely into my soul.

Oh, and then there are all those weaknesses I have, all those mistakes I make and all those people I hurt along the way. I’m so painfully aware of my short-comings, I can hardly stand the sight of myself. I guess it all makes perfect sense.

Now enter into the mix the Biblical truth that I’m not holy enough, not good enough and certainly not spiritually mature enough to deserve God’s love.

Geeze Louise–I’m hopeless!

Now, just so you know, I’ve always believed that God loves me. I’d be the first to tell you that God loves me and He loves you, too. Jesus love me this I know…for the Bible tells me so and all that jazz. No problemo.

And I’ve always realized that I couldn’t earn His love. So very thankful for that. Being such a train wreck and all, I need all the breaks I can get.

But for me, there was a disconnect. How could a God who literally had to cover me with His perfection before He could “see” me…before He could “look at” me, say He loved me unconditionally? How could a God who only sees me as some future version of myself say he loved me unconditionally?

How can unconditional love be so…well…conditional?

“Don’t worry. God sees you through the blood. Not as you are, but as who He created you to be.”

God, what is the “truth” about your impression of me, anyway? Is this just a bad song lyric that someone confused with Biblical wisdom? Is this some trite saying that sounds good but isn’t consistent with Your Holy Word at all? Sort of like, “God helps those who help themselves”?

(You realize that’s not a scripture, right? OK, good.)

Sitting under a boat-load of condemnation and confusion, I finally reached the point where this issue became the focus of my prayers. I needed to understand God’s love for me if I was ever going to achieve greater intimacy with Him. If I was ever going to move forward in Him. After all, how can I pursue a God who can’t even stand the sight of me?

So on an ordinary day in my bedroom, during my ordinary prayer time, I cried. Well, I sobbed, really.

“God, “ I prayed (sobbed), “I’m thankful you don’t remember my sins. And I’m thankful I don’t have to earn your love or conjure up my own righteousness. But I need to know that you see me. Really see me. Just as I am. Today. Still a sinner. Still weak. Still failing in so many ways. I need to know that when you look at me, you love me as I am—today. Unconditionally. Please help me understand your love for me.”

This is what is so awesome about God. He knows just how to speak directly into our hearts and cut straight to the core of the issue. Truth that take a micro-second for God to deposit, but hours for us to articulate.

Immediately, I thought of my then six-year-old daughter, Rebekah. And I felt God say, “Do you love Rebekah?”

I responded, “Oh, yes, Lord. I love Rebekah more than I can comprehend. There isn’t anything I would not do for her. I would kill for her. I would die for her.”

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)

“Do you see her imperfections? Do you see her faults and her failures?”

“I love her more and more every day, regardless of her mistakes. Her faults and failures have no bearing on my love for her whatsoever.”

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! (I John 3:1a)

“Do you see all the wonderful things that she can become next year? In 10 years? In 20 years?”

“Yes…she is so full of talent and potential. Every day she discovers something new, and every day I discover something new about her. I can’t wait to see everything she will be and do as she grows up. It excites me to think of all the possibilities. I see her successful in her schooling, in her career. Maybe a wife. Maybe a mother….”

Lesson learned: Jesus sees me, train wreck and all…and Jesus likes me.

The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” (Zephaniah 3:17)