Throwback Thursday: Real Beauty (A Letter to My Daughter)
I wrote the following letter to Rebekah when she was 10-years-old in the 5th grade.
She is now almost 15 and in high school.
It is eerie how prophetically accurate it is.
(Not because I’m a prophet. But because I’m a girl,
so I had a pretty good idea how she would feel about herself through adolescence and beyond.)
Have you taken the time to educate your daughter about beauty?
If you don’t, Mom and Dad, someone else will.
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Dear Rebekah,
Today I watched you. Today while you laughed and ran and smiled and played, I gazed toward you and was, quite honestly, smitten by your beauty. Your hair, your eyes, your smile. Sweetheart, you are gorgeous.
I know today you don’t think a whole lot about your beauty. You are a child. And you are much more concerned with horses and volleyball than you are with your jean size.
Yet, I know at some point very soon, you will look around at what the world calls “perfection” and you will judge yourself inadequate. The world will flutter “beauty” in your eyes, and you’ll become confused. You will look in the mirror, and in your mind, you will fall short. You will see your long, wavy blondish hair, and decide it’s too short, too wavy or too blondish. You will look at your innocent, friendly smile and decide your teeth are not white enough or not straight enough. You will look at your stunning blue eyes and determine they should have been green, or brown or different.
This, My Dear, breaks my heart. I wish I could shelter you from this inevitable rite of passage into womanhood. But since I can’t, I want to be certain to balance all you see and hear with the Truth:
It’s not real. What you see in the magazines, on the television, in the movies…is not reality at all. Anyone can look like the girls in the magazines after they spend two hours in “hair and make-up.” Anyone can have the “perfect nose” and “flawless skin” with the right plastic surgeon and the right computer software. It’s all fake, Beautiful Daughter.
I was smitten with your beauty today, not because you looked like the girls on television. Not because your hair or body or face met this unattainable standard of perfection. I was smitten today because you were you. One hundred percent you. And, Honey, you are breathtaking.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made by a loving and living God. A God who created you for a specific purpose. And in order to fulfill that divine purpose, He chose your physical features, your temperament and your talents. Everything about you was imagined and designed in the mind of God. There is not one thing about you that was put there in error. There is no one else like you in the entire world, because no one can fulfill the calling on your life but YOU.
Please don’t allow the world to condemn you to a life of inadequacy. Please don’t strive (and fail) to create a body you do not have. Please don’t fall into the trap of thinking your value as a woman is in any way tied to how you look in a pair of leggings.
Of course, I want you to be healthy. Of course, I want you to live long on this earth and feel great while you are here. But more than anything, I want you to do and be everything the Lord created you to do and be.
Your truest beauty shines forth when you are living your life surrendered to God and His purpose for you.
You are beautiful, Sweet Girl, on purpose, FOR a purpose. His purpose.
All my love,
Mommy
I think I need to read this once every few months. And I’m 37!
I was just posting today on how to help my girls (9 and 6) believe in their true selves. My 9 yr. Old has several school mates who are on diets (both self and parent imposed) and she asked me if she needed to go on a diet. Uh – seriously no. Regardless of her size, it seems me that she is already facing these issues at such a young age. My 6 yr. Old has school mates that wear make up everyday – in kindergarten. It has become such an issue (those that wear makeup tease those that don’t) that the teacher sent a letter home reminding parents of the rules and specifically mentioning that while makeup is not welcome in the classroom, modest clothing is. Ugh. And we love in a fairly upstanding community. A link to the Mean Kid post brought me here (bravo) and I am doubly grateful that I kept reading. The next few days will continue to be offering days and my daughters will have letters that they hopefully will treasure by Sunday. Thank you!
Apparently, I didn’t check well enough… I was PONDERING, not posting. And.. the next few days will continue to be PONDERING days… ugh. Sorry for not checking more closely.
I’m so glad you clicked around and found this post. It’s a long road, parenting these girls through to adulthood. We are fighting a lot of voices and influences. But God is able to equip us as moms to know what to say, how to say it and how to be a good role model. You will do an excellent job, I’m sure!
Beautifully written for a very beautiful young lady. Love you and Rebekah forever!
Thank you, Jean. I love you forever, too.
Great article! So true. Excited to catch up with you! What a blessing! Love you lady!
I’m a french mom of 3 kids (5yo, 3yo and a half and 9 months), I try to give the most I can to them. And I want to thank you because today I’ve read 2 articles from your blog (lettre to my daughter and when you discuss with your kid about mean nid), and it speaks to my mom’s heart. This will inspire me for my next discussion with my lovely kids. Thank you and your are a great mom, your kids are very lucky.
Awww…thank you so much, Stephanie.