1. I've learned nothing through pain and suffering. I've found that God is passive and doesn't seem to care that on a continual basis I have nothing but storms. It's made me angrier and angrier towards him never closer. He's never healed me of depression or any other thing. I've spent almost 20 years in the Lord. I've seen evil people have it better thane. I've seen people get blessings poured on them and it's always so sunshiny on them, and then tell me God is good.

    I thought he wasn't a respecter of person but apparently he is. I guess my purpose in life is to have nothing but tribulations. And it isn't fair. I could understand storms here and there but not constantly. It doesn't make me stronger. Sorry I am so bitter, but trials and tribulations does that some. If God would come through and answer me and give me some good days I wouldn't be. But he has in fact abandoned me when his word claims otherwise. He doesn't heal me when his word says the opposite. Jesus said prayer gets answered but it doesn't.

  2. Hi Sandy,

    I think the Lord brought me here to remind me that it is okay to let loose on Him with my pain, questions, frustrations, fears during the trials and times of suffering. Thank you for using your story to challenge my faith walk.

    By His Grace,


  3. John, I don't know if you will ever see this reply, but I applaud your honesty. As a fellow storm-survivor, I can tell you that I've thought those exact same things. And I think your voice will resonate with a lot of people who read this post, but will not have the courage to comment.

    I have also walked the long, dark road of depression. And God didn't "heal me" either. But He did lead me to people and things that helped me manage it. And then I walked where He led and tried to obey His voice the best I could–I actively participated in my recovery, and I still do to this day.

    I pray you make an appointment with a doctor or a counselor today. I just sense that if you took care of your "depression problem" then you will be able to see clearly so you and God can address your "God problem."

    Depression skews everything. And you don't have to dwell in that pit.

    If something you tried before doesn't work, then try something else. Keep trying stuff until your depression lifts. Change meds, change therapists, change your diet, change your exercise routine, change your relationships, change your sleeping habits, change your recreational habits…all of those things affect depression.

    There is hope, my friend. Seriously. There is. And this from a girl who has NOT lived a sunshiny life. But who still stands firm on what God says is true.


  4. John you obviously are not ready to give up. You read through Sandy's words and took the time to type out your pain.
    What do you have if you give up?
    Sandy your words are PERFECT!
    I'm a RN, not only have I suffered from anxiety/depression disorder but have cared for others as well. You would be shocked at the people I've cared for that take meds and have support such as couselors, like Sandy mentioned. Dr.'s, teachers, CEO's, professionals to homemakers.

    You are not alone.

    For me I started a "Gratitude log" I was amazed how over a short year later I find so much more to be thankful for. As it takes regular exercise to keep ones muscles strong, so too it takes discipline regular pauses to find things in your life to give thanks for. For me it started very small…like thank you God for that pretty leaf on the ground. I may sound silly but it works. I number each one every day and am in the hundreds.

    Meds, regular thanksgiving, worship music and fellowship have changed me from a suicidal wreck in a mental hospital to a thriving part of society.
    Thank you Lord!
    Many blessings

  5. Had to pop in again and share a quote that I read only seconds ago and thought of you John…
    "Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.
    It is in the most trying times that our real character is shaped and revealed"
    ~ Helen Keller

  6. Love your honesty, Sandy. Isn't it "freeing" to realize that we don't have to understand or explain everything?! I love that I can be real with God and just walk daily with Him in freedom knowing that He knows me better than I know myself and LOVES me unconditionally! I can TRUST Him and His love even when I don't have all the answers…How cool is that?!

  7. I could have written this. In fact, the first part – He's not who I thought He was – is one of the first things I spoke about afterwards. I called a friend and blurted that out to her. It was the beginning of a quest for who He is although I'm not sure we will ever know Him fully. Maybe but I don't know that and neither does anyone else but God.
    I have also stopped trying to understand how healing works. I still get annoyed with people who say, "God is good and faithful" when things work out and then say "God is sovereign" when things don't work out. All I really know is He is both all the time. I'm holding on to the verse in 2 Cor that our affliction works for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.

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