Balance is a very polarizing word, isn’t it? Some people claim it’s not even possible. Or they say things like “balance is a myth.” Or “balance is a unicorn…pretty but fake.” I believe that balance is not only real, but very possible. It’s neither a myth nor a unicorn. I think where we get tripped up with balance is in how we define it.
So before we dive in today, i want to define balance for you by telling you first what balance is not. All of this by the way is in the introduction of my book Finding Your Balance.
- Balance is not doing everything
- Balance is not doing everything your friends are doing
- Balance is not doing everything your friends think you should be doing
- Balance is not doing everything you see people doing on social media
- Balance is not doing everything well
- Balance is not doing everything by yourself, without help
- Balance is not doing a little bit of everything each day
- Balance is not spreading yourself equally among every person, task, responsibility, and expectation
- Balance is not the absence of stress or conflict: Stress and conflict are part of life.
After 20 years of trying to do all those things and defining balance in those ways–and of course, failing, because no one can do those things–I realized that a better definition is this:
Balance is the peace I have when I know my priorities (what I should be doing) and I live my priorities (how I should do it), through freedom in Christ (operating in my gifts and strengths and I have right attitudes and right thinking.)
That is a loaded definition. I spend my entire book Finding Your Balance unpacking it and leading you through a process to discover true balance. But today I want to just zero in on a very specific situation. What happens when you had balance, but now you feel like you can’t quite get your footing. Like you had it for a time, but now you’ve lost it. And not just for a little while, but you realize that you actually lost it-lost it! And you need to make some real changes.
That’s me right now.
So in this episode and the next one (and maybe more, we’ll see) I’m going to use my current life as a case study–not after I have it “all figured out” and then look back and tell you what I did. That’s what I usually do. That’s basically every blog post, podcast episode, and book I’ve ever written: “Let me teach you what I learned after I walked through this thing”
But today, I’m taking you through the beginning of my process of finding my balance in real time so you can find your balance too.
I’m beginning by asking three no-judgment questions:
Question 1: What feels off-balance or what is wrong?
Question 2: Why is this happening? What has shifted to cause this loss of balance?
Question 3: What do I expect right now?
Come back next week for practical action steps to take from here.
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Our BFF Patron of the Week is Alicia Starr. Alicia has been a longtime follower of the podcast and the scoop on balance. She’s a mom to 5 kids and one thing that I love about her is that she’s such an encourager. I did a search of her name in my gmail and I found sweet emails from her dating back to January 2018! That’s just the kind of woman she is…and I appreciate her so much. Thank you Alicia for being a BFF Patron of the show.
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