Fitness Friday :: Edition, I Have a Problem
I figured I better check in with you all since, in the last 24 hours, several of you have sent me a note asking, in one way or another, “are you okay?” It’s like a little timer went off and you all thought, “Where is Sandy?”
Thank you for checking on me. And yes, I’m fine. It’s just that summer is in full swing here, evidenced by the pool towels and bathing suits hanging along the chairs on my deck.
Last week, I had one kid on a mission trip, one kid at church camp and one kid at VBS. I planned to write then. And I did, a little. Except some of it was really heavy and most of it needed tons of revisions (after having this post up all day, I realized I had written that my writing needed “renovations” Holy cow, my brain is on the painting!). And I really wanted to spend the week catching up with some real-life friends, which I did.
Earlier this week, Papa and Grannie Annie came for a visit. We don’t see them very often, because they live so far away. They’re a lot of fun.
Tomorrow I have painters coming for the entire week. And, I’m not sure why this just occurred to me at 1 am, but I actually need to remove everything from my walls and wash my baseboards in three rooms and two hallways. And I need to buy primer, because I forgot that. Like TODAY.
But before I do that, I simply HAVE to tell you about a very serious problem I have—briefly, because,clearly, I am short on time. It’s a dress problem. Yes, a SERIOUS dress problem.
On July 19th, I am going to be a bridesmaid in the wedding of these two gorgeous people.
(Seriously, have you ever seen two more beautiful people on Planet Earth? No. you have not.)
And this is the dress the bride has asked us to wear, except ours will be melon-colored.
For the pretty dress, the bride chose an on-line company, located in China. Since I have no plans to visit China before the wedding, and could no-way try the dress on, I had two options:
1. Order the dress in a pre-made size
2. Custom order the dress to my exact measurements for $30 more
I normally wear a size 6. So, I looked at the measurements for a pre-made size 6. They were my exact measurements except for the waist, which was a bit* too small. The size 8 was better for my waist, but too big everywhere else. The size 10 was even BETTER for my waist, but the rest of the dress would have been gigantic.
I then looked at the instructions to measure for the custom-made dress. There were charts and diagrams and unfamiliar words. Clearly, I would need another set of hands, because I couldn’t reach some of the areas I needed to measure. It was very complicated. Or it seemed so at the time.
It was late.
I was tired.
I figured there would be some “give” in the waist.
I figured if it was too tight, I’d just lose a few pounds before the wedding.
I didn’t want to spend the extra $30 for the custom-made dress.
I ordered the size 6 and went to bed.
The dress arrived a few weeks later. It was lovely. Truly lovely. Well-made. Gorgeous color. Very flattering to my skin tone.
I slipped it on and tried to zip it. Except it wouldn’t zip. And I don’t mean, “Suck it up, Sandy and zip the stupid dress.” I’m talking a six to eight inch gap* across my back. This dress was in NO WAY made for me. It was made for HER!
I had two options:
1. Take it to a tailor and see if she could let it out.
2. Return the dress and order a new, custom-made one. (I would need to pay for shipping to China which is like $100, and they were only going to refund half the amount I paid for the dress. Plus, I needed to pay full price for the new one!)
Oh, the anxiety! I let the dress hang in my closet for two weeks while I wrestled with the options. Back and forth, I went. It was the crazy-end-of-the-school-year season, so I just kept putting it off. Meanwhile, time was ticking away and the wedding was approaching.
I finally thought, “What the heck. I’ll take it to a tailor. If she can’t fix it, I have enough time to order a new one. JUST enough time” (I needed 5 weeks).
I took it to this lovely Asian lady my husband has used. I honestly did not have much hope in finding eight extra inches of material in there, but you never know. These Asian ladies are miracle workers.
I put on the dress and turned around to show her the back.
Her eyes widened, “This dress too SMAW!”
“Yeah, WAAAY too small.”
She did not laugh or smile.
Then she let out a few seams, felt around inside the dress, nodded her head and announced, “I can do it. One week. Thirty-two dolla.”
“You can do it?? REALLY? You can make this fit me? For only $32? Oh thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I love you.”
(yes, I told the Asian tailor that I loved her. And I meant it. I may have hugged her. I probably cried.)
So, one week later, I went to pick up the dress. It was the moment of truth.
I tried it on.
And I could not zip it.
I peeked my head out to the sweet Asian lady tailor, “Can you please help me? I can’t zip it.”
She walked in, yanked the dress closed with both hands and ZZZZZZZIP!
At that point, a sound escaped from my mouth that was a cross between a gasp and a hiccup. Sort of like “HIP!” Because my ribs, y’all. My ribs compressed into my vital organs. And my arms were sticking out oddly from the sides of my body because the fat from my stomach had to go SOMEWHERE. And I was stiff. Like a stick-figure. And that lovely deep V neck line was pulled as far across my chest as it could possibly go, so you can only imagine what THAT looked like. And I had to take tiny, short breaths in order to remain conscious.
But the dress was zipped!!!
“It’s still too small!” I managed to squeak.
And she said, “No mo. There’s no mo!”
And I said, “What, no more FOOD? You mean, I won’t be able to eat FOOD for the next month in order to wear this dress?”
(Yes, I actually said that. Unfortunately, sarcasm is often lost on people who don’t speak English as their first language.)
Then she did some adjustment with the strap around the neck to try to fix the gaping neckline that was borderline pornographic and I paid her $32 and left with the too-smaw dress.
That was three days ago.
So, here’s the problem: It’s too late to order the new custom-made dress. I HAVE to wear this dress. And that means I have to lose about 10 pounds and a good 2 inches off my waist in the next month.
CRAP! CRAP! CRAP!
I’m not even kidding a little bit. Between now and July 19th, I have to seriously decrease my food intake and increase my exercise. On vacation!!! Over the 4th of July!!!
CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP!
I will be eating lots of green veggies, very little sugar and probably lots of grilled chicken. I will be running AND lifting weights. Probably daily. I am going all hard-core. For the sake of the dress.
I am not looking forward to it. This goes against everything Fitness Friday Girl stands for. The whole “balance” thing? Yeah. Just, whatever.
Because in the words of sweet Asian tailor lady, “There’s no mo.”
I’ll keep you posted.
Q4U: Have you ever HAD to lose weight in a short period of time for something? Why? How did you do it?
*NOT a bit.
Because of summer and painters and vacations and holidays and stuff, I will not be posting on a regular schedule until mid-August. I’ll do what I can, when I can. But that probably won’t be much.
Just FYI, so you don’t worry about me.
Linking up with Jill
Hi! I loved this post. So funny!! Don’t know if you remember me from way back…probably the beginning of Fitness Friday…when you had contributing bloggers. I am so sad that you have to sacrifice good vacation food for this dress. Clearly, the Chinese don’t know American measurements accurately. Does the bride know all this?? Take care and have fun!
Hi Alyce! I absolutely remember you. And I did get your e-mail and will write you back!! It’s been a bit crazy around here and I’m a little behind on social media connections. Yes, the bride knows all about it. I wasn’t the only one who ordered the wrong size. I didn’t want to stress her out too much, because it was SO MY FAULT.
We’ll catch up soon.
Oh, sweet Sandy, I’m SO sorry. Over vacation is the worst! But I have faith in you – and just think of how fabulous you will look! And think of the chocolate chips pancakes for breakfast the morning after the wedding 😉
Seriously though, whenever I’ve wanted to drop a few pounds quickly, I up the water intake (warm water with lemon seems to cleanse) and eat fiber and protein dense foods that have a lot of bang for the calories.
You can do this! And thanks for letting us know you’re okay!
I keep thinking how awesome it will be when I’m 10 pounds lighter, too. This WAS a goal for 2013 for me. I just planned on doing it slowly over a year. Not quickly over a month.
Adding lemons to the grocery list…
Ok I have two thoughts (I can’t believe I am weighing ((get it-sorry)) in on this.
First in the back of the book Making The Cut by Jillian Michaels she outlines a very specific diet and exercise routine that is geared for just such an emergency. She writes that it is the one she used before the cover shoot for her book. It is radical and you can’t sustain it for a long period of time, but Erin did it and it worked. Second, there are those places (I think there may be one in the Summit (?) where they do a full-body wrap, I’m assuming very tightly and it kind of pulls everything in. I’m guessing it only works temporarily (pray for a short ceremony). Both radical moves but desperate times…
Seriously I cannot believe (a) that I know these options (b) that I’m sharing them in a public forum A colleague the other day said I have a lot of feminine energy (what do you want? I was raised by lesbians). I also was recently invited to an Underwear Circuit Party in the Castro. So I guess I am sending out the wrong message. Oh well- not helping my case here am I?
What kind of footwear do wear to an underwear party? Just kidding- I politely declined.
Oh, Peter…I am in TEARS over here at your comment. TEARS.
“What do you want? I was raised by lesbians”
I was thinking just before you wrote that, “Well, he WAS raised by lesbians…”
I too, considered the Making the Cut plan. It was one of the first things I remembered. Also, I have Jillian’s 90-Day program (Which is what I intended this post to be about, but for the dress problem) and she has a “kick start” plan that is basically no fruit, no grains, no sugar–pretty much chicken, fish, greens and tomatoes. I think some eggs. Plain yogurt, once a day.
I see something like that in my near future.
1. You look pretty and tanned in your picture 🙂
2. I once had to lose weight quick to fit in a dress. I ran stairs and ate veggies and it worked. However, I was 18 at the time.
3. I will pray that it will all work out.
Any method before age 40 doesn’t count. I used to pee and blow my nose and lose 5 pounds when I was 18.
And thank you…I’m tan because I’ve been out RUNNING every morning. No lie.
Oh boy have I ever been in your place.. My best friend was getting married 6 months after I gave birth to my youngest. Lets just say those dress places dont account for us being moms and certain size fits our chest but hips and waist are way different.. My dress was way to tight so I did all I could to lose some weight.
I ended up using spanx (well I bought the cheap one and it wasn’t as good as the real so I am told) put it on and then used duct tape to squish my midsection so the dress would fit. Yes it was a bit uncomfortable but it fit and I could still barely breathe and move… I would reccomend getting some spanx stuff to suck in midsection it does wonders all else fails you can try duct tape 🙂
I have fake spanx, but I’m afraid to add even one more layer. There’s no mo! No MO!!!
I will absolutely need to tape the dress to my chest. Absolutely. I never thought to wrap tape around my midsection, though…tucking that suggestion away in case I fail.
Oy, I’m having flashbacks from December when I had to fit on this dress for a ball. Luckily, if it didn’t fit I had the option of buying another one but you have to wear this specific dress. Have you checked to see if the dress can be bought in the US? Maybe another retailer?
I didn’t think about looking locally! I shall try that!!!! Thank you, Angie!
Oh no! I’m not much help in the quick weight loss department but I know you can do anything you set your mind to and make a priority.
BTW, you look wonderful in the photo. Summer suits you well 🙂
Keep us updated.
Thanks, Jill. Yes…summer is my favorite and I fit perfectly in the Florida climate where it’s summer year round, until we moved to Kentucky, where it’s not.
Thanks for the vote of confidence. 🙂
Best wishes on that Sandy! The fastest I ever lose weight is when I cut out sugar and drink lots of water.
Thanks Mark…I already do those things. However, I did have a piece of peach cobbler with whipped cream and ice cream at my “Last Supper” the other night. In anticipation of the month of No MO!
This post made me smile over and over. A few years back my sister was getting married and Macy’s carried the perfect bridesmaid dresses she wanted. The only problem, all my sisters are size 4, and I am not and they didn’t have any of my size left in that dress. So after a few tears, my mom being the sweet woman she is, said lets go find a pattern alter it and make our own. She did, mine looked just a bit different, but hey I am a bridal planner and even I know not every bridesmaid has to look the same these days… Funny thing, I got more compliments on my dress than any of my sisters come the wedding:)
On the weightloss in a short time, I did a VERY stupid thing once. I tried to drop 1 size in 1 day from some crazy tip friends gave me about taking water pills… Oh I was dumb and did it.. YIKES it was horrible. Yes I dropped the size in less than 14 hours (which came back the next day of course) But because I had taken 2 of the pills I was seriously dehydrated come evening it was horrible all I wanted was to drink water, couldn’t even enjoy my date that night… Don’t do anything stupid. Go the healthy route!
Oh dear Sandy. I have not been in those shoes before, but your story sure made me laugh. I’m so happy to see you here (although I’d be happier if I’d be able to see you . . . HERE!) and hope you’re having a great summer. I’m in the middle of renovations, too, so haven’t been blogging much either. Oh well. 🙂
Are you willing to try non-FDA certified pills? LOL! I once took “Rev” while doing Weight Watchers and 3-4x per week moderate exercise. The WW + exercise had me losing about 1.5 lbs per week. The month I took Rev, I lost 4 lbs each week. They’re green tea extract pills, or somesuchthing.
Holy Moses! I am laughing at your SMAW PWOBWEM!!!! I hope you fill us in on…the REST of the story!
Oh, my… you do need to let your reader know what happens.
Here’s a thought: share with the bride. She may let you be the maid of honor and wear a different dress. Okay, I’m being fresh. But do inform the bride as she may know that another bridemaid’s dress is too big… you could switch dresses.
Just a thought.
The wraps do work (only short term, so do them a day before the wedding if you do them at all)
The dress IS gorgeous!!