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The Scale
And so I picked up The Scale from the bathroom floor and I put it into my closet on a shelf, where it shall remain for an undetermined amount of time.
The End.
Oh, sorry. I probably should explain a little. Let me start at the beginning:
My relationship with The Scale began as a child. I remember it like it was yesterday…
(Que dreamy music)
I have always owned a Scale. I have always used a Scale. I have always been indifferent toward The Scale. It is simply an instrument used to measure weight. Neither good nor bad. Completely neutral. The Switzerland of household appliances.
As a child, The Scale lived on our kitchen floor to the left of our fridge.
I could speculate a lot about that decision—placing The Scale in the kitchen. But, since I have no desire whatsoever to dishonor the memory of my awesome mother, I will simply assert that Mom must have been insanely confident.
The Scale tracked my growth through puberty, into high school and throughout college, where I somehow navigated the intense pressure to be ultra-thin, and simply enjoyed being healthy. With regular activity and a well-balanced diet, I managed to reach a very healthy weight and stay there for last 25 years.
The Scale was a baby-growth-tracker during my two pregnancies. I watched with anticipation as my weight went up, knowing this meant a new life was growing inside me. And I watched The Scale go back down after months of busting my butt, power walking with baby-in-tow.
The Scale let me know when I had indulged a little too much on Graeter’s Peanut Butter Chip ice cream. And The Scale let me know when I could finally back off from intense workouts and calorie-counting to drop the excess five pounds.
The Scale had no power over me. I had no emotions—positive or negative—toward The Scale.
Then I watched The Scale go up two pounds a week for six weeks straight. (I also watched no less than ten pregnancy tests come back negative, as I determined only pregnancy could make The Scale go up this quickly.)
I watched The Scale get stuck on a number and refuse to move downward, despite busting my butt power walking, intense workouts and calorie-counting. I saw The Scale inch up three more pounds in the next seven months, despite personal trainers and portion control, busting my butt, power walking, intense workouts and calorie-counting.
Before my very eyes, The Scale morphed from a neutral instrument to measure my WEIGHT, to an instrument to measure my MOOD. Every morning, The Scale told me I weighed too much. Every morning The Scale said, “you aren’t doing enough.” Every morning, The Scale read, “FAILURE.”
The Scale introduced phrases into my vocabulary like,
“I look fat in this.”
“I don’t feel pretty today.”
“I hate the way my stomach looks right now.”
“I have never weighed this much in my life…except when I was pregnant, which I’m not, evidenced by ten negative pregnancy tests in my garbage can.”
All this repeatedly spewing out of my mouth in the presence of my three precious children.
I promised myself I would never, ever put pressure on my girls to look like swimsuit models. I promised myself I would always teach my children to be HEALTHY, not SKINNY. I promised myself that I would not only teach, but also DEMONSTRATE to my children that God created each of us individually, uniquely and perfectly—and our job is to be good stewards of our health, so we can do and be all He created us to do and be.
Up until a few months ago, I was doing well. But then, The Scale got stuck. The Scale determined I was “unworthy,” and I chose to believe The Scale.
And then, the day I prayed would never come–what I had worked for years to avoid: I heard my beautiful, individual, unique and PERFECTLY created 11-year-old daughter say,
“I look fat in this.”
I decided right then and there, The Scale would NOT be the final word on my mood. The Scale would NOT be the final word on my self-worth. And most of all, The Scale would NOT determine the value of my daughter. Only God is allowed to do that.
And so I picked up The Scale from the bathroom floor and I put it into my closet on a shelf, where it shall remain for an undetermined amount of time.
The End.
Sandy you are so right! You are beautiful just as you are and so are your daughters. I enjoyed this post!
Have a blessed weekend.
~Melissa 🙂
You go girl!!! I feel empowered!!!!
Oh, how we let — insert "me" — let other things determine our value and our worth. Yep, to allow anything so much power and control in our lives is not a good thing…nor is it a God-thing.
I listened to the teaching from Pastor Tim the other day. And among many of the pearls he threw out, there was something that was confirmation of what the Lord was speaking to me about — apparently the Lord has been very very chatty lately!
There are certain idols I have in my life. These, like the idols Rachel carried with her from her father's house into her life with Jacob, are "hidden". These "idols" are not "obviously" worshipped by me. But boy do they have control in my life.
Yesterday morning, I started laying them down on the altar. I took a deep breathe. I was amazed that at that very moment there didn't seem to be this supernaturally "moving" experience. I just felt this part of me handing things over to the Lord. There was a bit of saddness throughout the day because I didn't know what it meant to have relinquished these things to the Lord. I wasn't sure if the Lord was goign to purify them or just go and KILL them. But at the same time, it was liberating.
Funny thing, I blogged a funny story about my scales yesterday.
http://deepdarkweightloss.blogspot.com/
Oh, I know that feeling about hearing your daughter talk about her weight. My SIX year old has started to notice the difference between her and her little classmates. My child is a healthy child, not fat at all, but she has always been high on the percentile charts in both weight and height. (Except when she was born, she was such a tiny thing!) She's also noticed that her hair is curly and not straight like her friends, and already she's developed a love/hate relationship with her hair. She's absolutely beautiful, and I want her to make know that. She's active and healthy and I want to raise her with a healthy body image. Tough to do in this day and age! She looks a lot like the girl on "That's So Raven", a show she's just gotten into, and has been delighted to find someone that looks "just like her" on TV, and that seems to have helped.
I should probably pay closer attention to your Fitness Fridays, lol! I am SO not fitness conscious! I'm way too lazy, lol! And I've been blessed with a child who is very athletic, and I have to keep up with her! I am getting to be more health conscious, though…I recently had a blood transfusion because I was severely anemic and that along with losing my brother last November was a big wakeup call! (Plus I'm knocking on the door of 40 and I need to get it together!) So perhaps I can get some tips from you! I don't like to sweat or get out of breath or lift heavy things or run in place, lol! I'm hopeless! But I DO like to dance, so I think I need to find some kind of dancing thing to do!
This made me cry. For so many reasons. Just so many. I'm proud of you sister!
Reads like a fairytale, with an evil villain and where good triumphs in the end! But seriously, this is a humbling reminder to me to be careful what example I set for my kids too.
I threw out my scale quite a few months ago, feeling that God was prompting me to do so. The thing is, I wasn't even very addicted to it, but when I did step on it, it dictated my mood for the day. I have still yo-yo'd a bit since then, but my focus now isn't on what I weigh, but on what God is teaching me. I have learned since then that sugar causes me to feel very tired, and that I can't concentrate as well at the task in front of me. I don't feel that God is calling me to come totally off of sugar, but to wait until mid-afternoon if I want to have anything sweet. This way, I'm not craving and eating sugar the whole day…and the effects of the sugar don't seem to be as strong later on in the day. I tried stevia sweet 'n bake as a sugar substitute, but found it very bitter and couldnt eat much of it.
If you have any wisdom on that, that would be great!
Connie, Winnipeg, Canada
I wish every woman in America would read this post, do what they could about eating healthy and moving more and ditch their scale. I think every woman I meet is adorable ~ I just wish they thought so too.
Thanks for this brilliant post, Sandy.
Oooh, you’re such an inspiration. I love this blog!